Liveblogging The Beatles: Rock Band: Part 2

OK, I'm gonna be singing b/c I's too lazy to put the instruments together. Also my strumming arm hurts and I haven't got the cymbals yet.

Mic stand is pretty nice. probably should have a controller holder on it though. Or, you know, buttons.

And I thought that opening cinema looked good in a tiny window...It's a bit more impressive at 65 inches in HD. Also, I found a ghetto way to hang my controller with the cable clips. I am the genius, goog-goo-g'joob.

First thing after "Press Start" is something about cache and system profiles. I breeze through, but then I'm not one of the old people they want this game to bring in.

Liverpool, 1963
"Twist and Shout", Expert: Takes two tries (probably should stick to "Solo" vox), but it got me TWO achievements. Those ah-ah-ahs are hard, by the way. ***
"Boys", Hard: Couldn't do expert.Hard might be too easy, though. Too bad they don't let you go straight from practice mode back to story-- you'd think someone would have figured that out by now. ****
"Do You Want To Know A Secret", Expert: I think this game is going to make "Fab" cool to say again. Also, this song was a cool choice-- you'd never see it in Guitar Hero: Beatles. ****
"I Saw Her Standing There", Expert: Now we're talking. Also, how does Paul hit that high note? He must have used Auto-Tune. ***

Look, the band is meeting the queen!

The Ed Sullivan Show, 1964
"I Want to Hold Your Hand", Expert: ***, but I think I'm getting better. Also, I forgot how short a lot of these songs are.
"Can't Buy Me Love", Expert: Are you supposed to shout? I shouted the whole thing. On an unrelated note, my throat hurts for some reason. ***
"A Hard Day's Night", Expert: Good thing it's short, too, I'm about to go hoarse. Still got ****, though.
"I Wanna Be Your Man", Hard: All right, I'm starting to notice a pattern where I do better on songs I've heard of. Also, The Beatles moved pretty fast from just wanting to hold your hand to "I wanna be your lover, baby".

OK, I'm gonna take a break.

...And we're back.

Honestly, this game is worth at least a rental just for the between-levels animations.

Shea Stadium, 1965:
"Ticket To Ride", Expert: According to the loading screen, they took out headset functionality. That kind of sucks, but no one used it anyway. ****, but I almost failed at the end there.
"I'm Looking Through You", Hard: I don't even know how I made it through this one. Just lucky I guess.
"Eigh Days A Week", Expert: First song where I had to drop an octave (or two). Voice hurts less now. ****
"If I Needed Someone", Expert: I like the message of this one: "you want me? Get in line, girl." Of course, there probabl really was a line at that point. ***
"I Feel Fine", Expert: Hey, why does this level have five songs? Whatever, it's cool. ****

Budokan, 1966:
"Day Tripper", Hard: Has anyone ever figured out what a day tripper is? Seriously? ****
"And Your Bird Can Sing", Expert: Y'know, if someone released this song today, nobody would realize it's over forty years old. It's somehow...I don't know. Maybe it took a while to be influential. ***
"Drive My Car", Hard: Another song that sounds ahead of its time-- this one would have fit in just as well in the 70s. ****
...And then my parents got home and i had to stop start move relogisticize...hang on.

"Taxman", Expert: Someone should make a show about a superhero called the Taxman, because I just found its theme song. Picture it: by day, Albert Taxmann (Eugene Levy*) is a mild-mannered tax auditor--but by night... ***
"Paperback Writer", Expert: This is one of my most favoritest Beatles songs because I think its a funny song I think this one would also make a good TV theme but maybe the idea is stuck in my head.

*If nothing else, maybe we could stop the endless flood of American Pies.

Abbey Road, 1966-67:
"Yellow Submarine", Expert: Wow, they just dive right in to the wierdness, don't they? Also, what's with Ringo and songs taking place under the ocean? ***** (This one's pretty easy)
"Sgt. Pepper's/With A Little Help From My Friends", Expert: It's kind of ironic to be off-key on this song, innit? Also, when you fail, it'll say "take two" on your second try. Not that I would fail, no sir. ****
"Lucy In The Sky With Drug Reference", Expert: Actually, I expected them to do a lot more with this one. It's relatively sane-looking. Well, "I Am The Walrus" is still to come. ***
"Getting Better", Expert: Like how it has the date they were recorded. "Me used to be angry young man" was totally stolen by you-know-who*. ****
"Within You Without You/ Tomorrow Never Knows", Expert: Huh, I figure this would be like a bonus or something. Still, "Within You Without You" is one of my most favoritestest Beatles songs, and I really like the mash-up, so I can't complain. The only real problem I have here is that it cuts down the length of the real song, but it's cool, yo. ****
"Good Morning Good Morning", Expert: Song so nice they titled it twice. I never realized just how wierd this song is--a guy dies in the first line and the song end with its title line in German. It's almost Bob Dylan-level weird here. ****

*Coulton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >=(

Some animator's been watching The Wall on a maddening loop, which is probably the best way to watch The Wall.

Abbey Road, '67-'68
"I Am the Walrus", Texpert: Every bit as advertised. Also, I just realized the talky parts don't seem to affect your score, positive or negative. And they took out the tambourine, but I figured that out like four chapters ago. ****
"Hello Goodbye", Hard: The Beatles covered that Target commercial song? Anyway, this one's kind of long but OK; it's a step down from "Walrus", but what wouldn't be? It was clever how they trick you into thinking the song is over (by they I mean the developers, but it also applies to The Beatles themselves). ****
"Hey Bulldog", Hard: The video for this part is pretty cool, despite never leaving the studio; it's a tribute to the original video or something, I forget the exact story. Note the cigarette smoke in the beginning--is that the "tobacco reference" from the ESRB label? *****
"Back In The USSR", Expert: Back in the what? Anyway, ***, but it would have been four if I'd done star power right. Also, they do weird thing where the vocal line will move before you start singing it--probably something to do with harmonies, but it's friggin confusing ("Hello Goodbye" does it too)
"Dear Prudence", Expert: Wow, I butchered that. Still got ***, though. Also, cool video, takes you in and out of the dreamthing multiple times.
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps", Expert: So no Clapton cameo. He probably doesn't deserve it. Also, surprisingly dark choice to end the chapter on, especially in such an upbeat game.

Abbey Road '68-'69:
"Helter Skelter", Hard: When I checked the leaderboard, only 450 people had played this song. I am not one of them. I'll finish it later, this song is fucking hard.
"Revolution", Expert: After "Helter Skelter", anything looks, easy: *****. It's weird they put these two songn together because I always pair them in my mind--both are attempts at a heavier sound (I think the differences between them say a lot about the differences between John and Paul, too).
"Birthday", Hard: Actually it's John Bonham who has my birthday. Good guess though. *****

-Takes Dinner/ XBox-Is-Making-It-A-Million-Degrees-In-My-Room Break-

OK from here on I'm playing guitar--I want to see if I can finish the game tonight.

"Helter Skelter", Expert: The Höfner bass that comes with the game is pretty awesome-looking, but they made some odd design decisions. The strap is placed so it's always twisted; the strum bar is in a weird position; the start and XBos buttons are hard to trigger (making pausing really hard). Time will tell if I can get used to it. ***
"Octopus's Garden", Expert: Hey, this song is pretty hard. Still not sure if it's me or the guitar. ***
"Something", Expert: Maybe it's me. I was playing Guitar Hero most of the summer. Also, the longer scale of the bass controller actually makes using the higher-up frets worth it, since you're more likely to hit the right note. ***
"Come Together", Expert: I always liked this song-- it feels like it's getting away with something, but you can never be too sure what. Plus it's a great example of what people always say about the Beatles-- it's incredibly easy and simple and yet still really fun. **** (but just barely not five)
"Here Comes the Sun", Expert: ACoustic songs always translate to these games kind of off; chords turn into triplets, it's the right notes but they're not played the right way. Still fun though. ***

Apple Corps Rooftop, 1969:
"Dig A Pony", Expert: Man, we've been at Apple a while now, huh?...And I thought my lyrics were nonsensical. Seriously, why do some of the best songs have some of the worst lyrics (see: U2, One, "we hurt each other than we do it again"). ***
"I've Got A Feeling", Expert: I don't know. It's great. They should make more songs like this, and play this one more on the radio. What do you expect me to say? ***
"Don't Let Me Down", Expert: I've actually seen the real version of this, which is every bit as awesome. Here. ****
"I Me Mine", Expert: Why do I have a feeling this song is about the other Beatles? Also, it's pretty hard too. ***
"I Want You (She's So Heavy)", Expert: We're a long way from just wanting to hold your hand. I had a rant that carried on the theme of "we need more songs like this" but I forot most of it by the 6-minute mark. Maybe it'll come back later. **** (and an achievement for using Star Power Beatlemania 5 times.)
"Get Back", Expert: John's made-up lyrics to this are the funniest thing ever, you can hear them before the song starts. Also this song is really hard (***). But who cares because...
Oh Jebus it's all over! Oh well, the ending animation (set, appropriately, to "The End") is even more awesome than the beginning one, albiet short. Watch it on Youtube tomorrow, it'll be up by then.

Interesting choice, setting the credits to studio noise instead of a song, which would have been the more obvious way to go.

I think that's it. I'll have more to say tomorrow (I haven't even tried drumming yet.)

Liveblogging The Beatles: Rock Band: You Knew This Was Coming (Part 1)

The Unboxing:
Box is friggin huge

Kitten Sold Separately.
I don't know how to rotate these.
Box, opened.

View with the drums removed.

The goods
The not so goods.

Liveblogging The Simpsons Season 12

Because I'm bored and my writer's block is keeping me from doing Song of the Week. OK let's go.

-First thing's first, the box is still pretty stupid. Hard to open, hard to figure out where our DVDs are, big Comic-Book Guy head making it hard to go on the shelf. At least they give us a cutaway to help get the discs out.

-Matt Groening gives his usual intro, which isn't really noteworthy but still kind of cool, with the listing of guest stars and specfeats and all. How come nobody else does those?

"Treehouse of Horror 11"

-Surprised it took this long for a "Munsters" gag
-"Snakes: Nature's Quitters"
-Broccoli is one of the deadliest plants on Earth
-One cool thing about the "Treehouses" is that they can do stuff like kill Homer and have him be all ghostified. The show's normal, albiet tenuous, connection to reality kind of keeps it from exploring as many stories as they can. Oh well, I'm sure they'll never run out.
-Did this one air before or after Halloween? I just heard this year's would be before for the first time in a while.
-"Hansel & Gretel" is kind of a stretch for a horror episode, ain't it? I mean, I know the original stories were violent and gross, but still.
-Oh, it's the dolphin one! Swizz-eet!
-"They made me do tricks--like a common seal!"
-I know the later seasons get a lot of flack, but I can't think of anything funnier than dolphins marching on their fins.
-Snorky's voice sounds a lot like Principal Skinner's.
-OK, one more thing about the dolphin one. That had some of the best animatin' I've seen on this show, especially the crowd shots woth 90 billion people and the getting dolphins to walk on land. OK, next ep.

"A Tale of Two Springfields"

-"I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs"
-Carl's explanation of whether 636 or 939 was better--awesome.
-The Simpsons' number: 939-555-0113
-"Your fears are groundless and your complaints moronic"-- a very useful quote in this day and age.
-"We Joe Twelve-Packs"
-Wackiness: Homer attempts to suicide-bomb town hall.
-"That's my novelty flying disc"
-"They were looking at me...with their eyes"
-"There's nothig like revenge for getting back at people"/"I don't know, vengeance is pretty good"
-"Because of you, we're taking golden showers...what"
-Part of the Springfield wall is the angel skeleton
-"Who huddle"
-Keith Moon is still The Who's drummer in the Simpsonverse.
-Season 20 had an episode with a wall in Springfield too...except this was the Berlin Wall and that was the border fence...or something.
-Wouldn't Pink Floyd have been more thematically appropriate (puns!)

"Insane Clown Poppy"

-Couch Gag is a bullet-time joke. I'm pretty sure they do the same thing later in the season.
-"It's gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up."
-"Maya Angelou is black?"
-Hey, it's John Updike!
-Springfield has a beach in this episode.
-Finally, someone who's a worse parent than Homer.
-Why are Homer and Moe playing cards with Krusty and Fat Tony?
-"It's not worth much cash, but its sentimental value is through the roof"
-Apparently, a ukulele is "the thinking man's violin" and "four aces is no gamble"
-"If I know Fat Tony, which I don't..."
-"Our website name will be crime.org" (it's for sale, maybe I should buy it)
-OK so this episode kind of sucked, but lots of great one-liners. And they didn't let the guests overwhelm the plot. Maybe could have used more Homer.

"Lisa the Tree-Hugger"

-Wait, hasn't Lisa always been a tree-hugger?
-Teletubbies joke...that aged well.
-Is "Gamestation" the go-to fake video game console name? (To The Max!)
-You Thai Now
-Bart's ninja costume is back! And another bullet-time joke.
-"Take that, Lisa's beliefs!"
-"In New Orleans they hose us with Tabasco"
-"I get enough flaming toilet paper thrown on me at home"
-"I'm a level-5 vegan, I won't eat anything that casts a shadow"
-"We might have an opening at the 'poser' level"
-Apparently, Homer has a "stash"
-From Lisa's tree, you can see Shelbyville, St. Louis, Hollywood, Paris, New York... in that order
-"Dad is building a ladder, but it is of poor quality"
-"This family has had nothing but bad luck when it comes to farce"
-"Oh right, I don't have superpowers...yet"
-They even used the Matrix song.

"Homer vs. Dignity"

-This is the one everyone hates, right? With the panda? Let's see if they're right.
-Bart's story of how he gets an A gives me an idea for solving the education crisis.
-This is the "Retirony" episode? Can't be that bad.
-"There's a New Mexico?" (wouldn't be funny except Burns is saying it)
-Lenny's a war hero?
-"...calmly eating candy like Spaniard"
-"[Smithers] doesn't know the meaning of the word gay". Cut to his musical about dolls.
-Bart gets his shot in his right arm, because he's left handed. Callbacks!
-The shots of Homer getting zapped in the panda suit were actually pretty cool-looking.
-Yeah, that panda part did suck. At least Homer was mad about it.
-Wait, this is a Christmas episode?!
-Homer throws a present to Ralph, which just bounces off his head.
-Homer is throwing out Lil' Lisa's Slurry. Callbacks!
-OK, so it wasn't great, but, I don't know, I didn't hate it. There were worse episodes, at least this one had a plot and actual jokes.

"Homer vs. Dignity" w/Commentary

-Let's see what the they have to sat about all this.
-So this episode is based on a book?
-They're surprisingly quiet on this commentary, breaking in namely to point out/ laugh at the jokes.
-Apparently even the cast and crew weren't sure what to think of the panda-rape stuff.
-And the first draft was even worse (in terms of like dark, not quality).
-Part of the problem: people didn't get the references to the book, probably because who reads books?
-Groening assumed the panda stuff would be taken out, so he didn't even bother fighting it.
-"In hindsight [old, discarded idea] doesn't sound too bad"
-Like I said, this was a pretty quiet commentary. I expected them too have more to say about such a controversial episode, especially with eight (eight!) people in the room. Oh well, if I wasn't blogging it I probably wouldn't have cared.

Anyway, that was disc one. I may or may not go back for discs two and three. It sort of depends on junk and stuff.

Post 98: Liveblogging Pokémon Platinum, Part 3

ok so so far today i've caught everyone's favorite useless pokemon, magikarp. they should just rename "the ugly duckling" to "the typical magikarp". also i got a fishing rod. that's how i caught it. should have said that part first.

also i taught all (well, two) my pokemons rock smash so i can use it on that douchehole roark. then i levelgrinded for a while.

...lots of looking at charts...

for no real reason, i listen to "save the population " three times in a row. i believe this is the first sign of insanity. but having passed the fifth or sixth sign long ago, this worries me not.

i catch budew. how do pronounce that? bud-YEW? ba-DOO? something completely nonsensical? looks like that's the one.

"What? Kricketot is evolving!" it seems to have turned into a cricket violin. i remember what carl sagan said about artificial selection. did kricketune grow to look like a violin because humans bred for that trait? because we slaughtered the others? you think about it that way it stops being so cute.

almost accidentally, i catch a psyduck. i didn't even know they had those here.

ok i'm ready. my kickass pokemon are ready to kick this ass in the ass. bring it, roark. also i'm saving first so i can cheat and not lose.

i win. as it turned out, i could have just used piplup instead of teaching four of my pokemon rock smash. actually, i want to see if that'll work. [resets system]

maybe. piplup died and i wasn't taking chances with the others, though i probably could do it. also i had to use all my potions. going to try again...

i did it! without changing my strategy at all. which makes me wonder how much of this game is just luck. last time, my opponent weakened my defense too much, completely at random. this time, a critical hit almost made me lose everything sort of. luckily i'm so awesome and technically undefeated that it still didn't matter.
"What Piplup is evolving!"-- sure picked an appropriate time to do it.

i think Prinplup, nee Piplup, needs a break now. and i just finished my Cosmos (episode 8! only five remain! exclamation points make even boring things exciting!). i'm going to go watch tv.

Post 97: Liveblogging Pokémon Platinum, Part 2

Sorry about the abrupt way that part one ended. My Internet crapped out all of a sudden. All you missed was I caught a Starly and my mom gave me a journal and JOHNDOEs mom gaved me a parcel. So let's go.

9:41: "Gotcha! BIDOOF was caught!". I'm gonna call him Bidoof.

"DREW found an antidote!" I should probably return it to whoever lost it, poor guy.
"Sandgem town: the town of sand." Oh, like how Seattle is the city of sea. Wait, that's not right.

Dawn's going to show me how to catch a pokemon. i feel guilty telling her i already know how. also, there's no option for that.

hooray, five free pokeballs! everyone wants to hook the DREW up with free stuff. except i already bought five. and used two. boy am i dumb.

"you're a pokemon trainer, and our eyes met, so we must battle!"-- talk about lampshade hanging.

the new animation for quick attack: pokemon runs in a circle, and then runs in my general direction. cool. also i win pokebattle! i is undefeated!

i don't know what Shinx is, but i'm really mad i couldn't catch one.

ok i got one. i think it's supposed to be a lion, but inexplicably blue. maybe it got too cold?

on the other hand, the animation for pound is a little red smudge appearing on my enemies forehead. from now on i'm calling it "smudge".

10:12: i catch kricketot, which appears to be a cricket in a suit. it's my new favorite.

WTF is a Burmy? it's like a unicorn and an acorn got caught in an atom smasher. except any product of that should rightly have "corn" in its name.

I find a potion, and reflect on its implications. are there any other forms of magic in Sinnoh. my brain says no; my gut dissents.

Dawn wants to show me around the big city. by pure accident we run into some crazy man who thinks he's an "international police". i get a "vs. recorder", but coming from a creep like that, who knows what it actually did. oh well, i'm sure i've seen the last of him.

there's two guys outside, "trading pokemon" right on the street. what has the world come to?

i get a town map. i try to think of something funny, and draw a blank.

i proceed to show those douchebag schoolkids who's boss. serves em right for trying to learn things.

i talk to some clowns and get something called a poketch. yep, that's normal.

JOHNDOE wants to fight. again. sigh. i win, but that stupid Turtwig needs to stop using withdraw. jerk.
man Zubat is a big fat cheater. i should probably get one.

"Piplup learned water sport!"-- Piplup learned to Jet Ski? It's bad enough I can teach it to surf.

"Zubat was caught". now i can be a big fat cheater. also i can get my ass out of stupid route 203. ps why do they even bother having wild abras if you can't catch them? just as a tease?

why is Budew smiling at me?! does it know something i don't?!

what water sport does: makes fire attacks work less. that don't do much when you're fighting whatever a Budew is. so i just keep using pound.

"Zubat learned Supersonic" -- hey, now it's actually useful

one sided fight: abra (knows one move, teleport, and can't use it) vs. zubat (knows two moves, one that confuses abra and the other, leech life, is super effective and healy-doing). them's my skillz.

ha, "Lass Madeline", if that is your real name, you take your fancy gym badge and your Psyduck and you go home and tell everyone who's boss! (hint: me).

i got an hm06(rocksmash)! and i can't use it yet. that's kind of dickish.

random dude wants to show me where something is! isn't that Dawn's job?

JOHNDOE just used the phrase "like seriously serious". also who's his dad? and why is he so oblique about talking about it? i bet it's amnesia. plus stupid gym leader can't stay in the gym. (frowny emoticon)

"Oreburg City: City of Energy"-- at least they didn't call it "city of ore". also wondering what's up with the weird slopey-roofs in this town.

Random townsperson named his Psyduck "Yellow"...but its evolution is blue... but its name is Goldduck. my head spins.

The Oreburgh mining museum is as authentically boring as a real mining museum. I liked that their "how coal is made" segment is completely accurate and has no plot significance whatsoever. although i feel there should be more of an acknowledgment of coal's environmental effects.

update on the sinnoh housing crisis: every building in Oreburgh is commercial. they must all commute.

I got a yellow shard!

...What's a yellow shard?

I catch an Onix. which is surprisingly hard. for some reason all my pokemon know are normal type attacks, which are "not very effective". also i had to use something called a dusk ball. at least i only needed one.

you know what's a weird word? "mine". it means three things, none of which have any relation to each other. oh well, back to fighting Zubats.

i catch a geodude. is there no pokemon i can't catch? it would appear not. or maybe it would appear so. that's one of those things where you can put a positive or negative, i don't think it matters.

The gym leader is named Roark. did his parents name him that as a joke? an guess what type he uses? at least "Brock" is a real name.

also he's all "hi this is what rock smash looks like you have to beat the gym leader to use it p.s. i'm the gym leader bye." get some manners to go with your dumb girly hair, dude.

hey, it's the guy who stands by the entrance of the gym and tells you how to win! i remember him! don't the gym members get tired of him?

hey, this gym has a shortcut! oh well, i can one-hit kill these guys with bubble. i shall fight.

...which is what i almost do. it went so small you couldn't even see it, but i digress. still undefeated after two fights, using four moves total (all of them bubble). time to fight Roark.

I lost. twice almost, but i reset before i lose any more money/ battles. my undefeated record remains intact through cheating.

i beat the easy two guys and decide to check out the underground...

...nevmind, can't go there yet. just some wi-fi fighting stuff.

I catch a Machop. I'm working an angle here.

I catch another one so I can trade it for Abra. this is all hilarious I know. but then i put them both in the computer and spend five minutes trying to sort out which was the original.
OK, that was funny in my head. It's 2:35 AM, give me a break.

woman named Hilary trades for my Machop. get to see trade animation for first time. it's truly an astounding experience which can't be described.

I catch Ponyta. No real reason, just wanted one. Also my Cosmos is over so I should probably quitslashsleep now before this stop sense make purple monkey dishwasher.

Post 96: Liveblogging Pokémon Platinum, Part 1

Why? Because:

a) I think my Rock Band 2 liveblog is one of the better things I've done here, and
a1) The same reasons here as there. Video games are too long to be looked at holistically; with a few exceptions, most can't just be finished in a day or two, and some never ever end. so I prefer to write about them as I play them.
b) Pokémon isn't something that demands your full attention; you can multitask with it. I thought this would be a funny other task.
c) I haven't played a Pokégame since Gold (though I think I last played it like two weeks ago). I want to see what's changed, and take you, gentle reader, along for the ride.
d) I found out about Bulbapedia and plan to use articles like this one to game the system (this is also how I got tricked into replaying Gold).
e) I've always thought it would be hilarious to overanalyze something something that, at its core, is made for children. My original idea was Harry Potter, but books are for dweebs and gaywads.
f) Nostalgia, I guess? Also, it is a pretty good game.

Refresh for updates. I'll be watching Cosmos on my laptop, to balance out my lowbrow with some highbrow.


11:23 PM: Turned on DS. DS Lite is too ritzy for me.
11:25: Man, this game is loud.
11:26: "Press Start"
:27: I mute it. Also, some old dude named Rowan wants to show me how to use my DS. I decide to humor him, and afterward wish I paid more attentioon to what X and Y do.
:30: Rowan tells me what Pokemon are. If I lived in Pokeworld, wouldn't I already know this? Disbelief suspended.
:31: I am a boy. But what's my name?
:32: Oh, right. My name is Fucktard Drew. Well, actually, DREW.
33: And wh can forget my friend, JOHNDOE? P.S., what's up with his hair?

dude, JOHNDOE has like ADHD or something.
"the x button opens the menu" (too lazy for caps or timestamps from here on out).
hey, it's mom. she wants me to stay out of tall grass, which makes me wonder how people leave this town. maybe it's like in that twilight zone where the kid sent people to "the field".

11:42, Route 201: Eat it, Twinleaf Town. We're out of here, man!
11:43: Guess they were serious about that tall grass thing. Also, Carl Sagan just called Pluto a planet. Oh, how things have changed.

Question sort of answered. Nobody has Pokemon in Twinleaf Town.

Some Dawn chick brings Rowan his suitcase. She doesn't wont me to have no pokesmons. me and JD show her, we're all like, hells yeah we's getting pokemons. I can already tell she's gots the hots for me.

I choose Piplup, going by the famous "always bet on penguin" rule.

First thing JD wants to do is fight. I can already tell he'll be trouble.
"Piplup used Pound!"
"Turtwig used withdraw!"
I win, thus proving that the best offense is a good offense.
"Piplup grew to level 6!"

Carl Sagan explains how we know the Earth is round. It involves shadows.

Hooray, running shoes! Those would have been nice three generations ago, Game Freak.

JD and me are gonna catch a legendary pokemon. this should end well.

...or it would, if that cyrus douchebag wasn't in our way.
JD just called them P-O-K-accent-E-Balls. He's my new favorite character.

i fight a wild bidoof, which looks something like a superdeformed beaver. not that kind of beaver.
then i ko me a starly in some bird-on-bird action. i'm 3 for 3.

"piplup grew to level 7!"

all these f'in bidoofs are getting on my nerves.

oh, hey dawn. what, you want to give me a tour? listen, i think for now we should keep this a purely business arrangement, k? k?

rowan gives me a pokedex, but he's kind of passive-aggressive about it. yeah, i'll take good care of it. i'm not tarded.

"...i get a thrill when i'm with a pokemon"-- no comment

Dawn would "be happy to teach [me] things". told you guys.

uh-oh. that guy over is dawn's father. he seems kind of passive-aggressive too. listen, man, i can't help being so cool and sexy. it's the hat. the stupid, stupid, hat. also, i got a tm 27.

How do pokefolk live in such small houses? dawn's house has three generations and two beds, and it's the biggest one so far. no wonder she wants to hit the road so bad. and don't even get me started on these one-room shacks. you'd think the serious housing crisis in Sinnoh would be a bigger deal.

you ever notice with the pokecenters, you get on the escalator going to the left, but get off going right? that don't make no sense, from a practical standpoint.

i spend ten minutes drawing my signature on my trainer license. doing so, i become one of three people who didn't draw a penis.

"I'm like an ecosystem!": Psuedo-Liveblogging Fox Sunday Night, again

Same way as last time: Instathoughts before the "...", final thoughts after.

The Simpsons, "Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words":
"Compared to you, my life is one big half day!"-Skinner

Dug the Vesuvius couch gag. When did Skinner and Krabappel get back together?
"Um, I think it's...we don't have one"-- funniest line reading I can remember that's not by this person. "No...I'm not mad" and "...musn't it not!" came close later on.
"I don't care if it's 45 cents!"
That frame-thing on Lisa's crossword-- reference or cool original idea?
It looks like this title is one of the Simpsons' better puns.
"Another religion! [forgets rest of line]"
Lisa's crossword fantasy is another cool trick, a reference to Wordplay, right.
Snake and Gloria broke up! I'd never have guessed!
"Back then we called them Alphabet Hotels"
I think I'm going to have to watch this twice, with all the visual stuff in the background.
Homer's story ends at the halfway point-- figures.
ILSA--oops, LISA
Lisa does come in second place a lot.
Only five words have been removed? Yeah, right.
Gil sounds different-- or was that another Gunderson?
Homer's very, very bad with money.
"Jackie-O! Like Spaghetti-O! I thought that's where her money came from!"
Gratuitous guest stars! Well, not super-gratuitous.
Is that crossword real? Cause that'd be cool.
...
Maybe I'm just in a good mood, but I liked this one. The plot itself was a bit thin, but not Family Guy thin, and the jokes were almost universally good. The ending felt a little rushed, though.

King of the Hill, "A Bill Full of Dollars":
"But then the rash went away, and I coud wear pants again!"-Bill

That guy actually sounds better than the real Jim Cramer, though not as good as the fake one on Arrested Development. Is it weird that I think chocolate-covered chips sound good? Bill gets the racecar cart at the grocery store, despite not having kids. Another is it weird: I have no idea how to buy stocks. Do you go to a store or something? Because I like free money. Dale correctly explains the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, in an oddly Futurama-esque joke. Bobby and Hank don't have a lot to do here, but it's a good subplot, what with Bobby being afraid of his own TV and all. Dale keeps his earnings buried in his backyard. I thought everyone knew you just declared bankruptcy by shouting "I declare BANKRUPTCY!"
...
Bill is this show's version of a regular comedic type: the perpetually shit-upon character (or PSUC, a fairly gross acronym). On South Park, it's Butters; on Family Guy, it's Meg; on The Office, it was Pam, and then it was Andy (PSUC-hood is transferable). Of course, this being King of the Hill, his suffering is relatively mundane, and played more tragically than comically. Sometimes it works (what was the wheelchair episode? Was that one good?), sometimes it doesn't.
Not to mention, they wasted a pretty good chance at satire when Peggy, Dale, Mihn were observing Bill, but it didn't go as far as it could have.

Family Guy, "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing":
"Welcome to Executive Bathroom Island"-Some Guy
Sinatra Jr's back!
"What else are you doing that's terrible and stupid?"
"Obvious lesbian will bring great news"
"That sounds hilarious but it also might take awhile" -- too meta by half
They should have waited till the end of the episode with the piano, or just left it hanging for a while, until we all forgot about it. But I bet they do it again by the end of this one.
"Last-clap contest"
Can you say "Happy Gilmore" ripoff?
Boy, that Quagmire sure likes sex!
Reference to pop culture! (note: I didn't actually watch this. It may or may not be the right video.)
I just heard that Hertz Donut joke for the first time on the Daily Show.
Who the hell is Bruce Jenner? Is that a joke?
The pLace logo? Hi-larious
"Andy Dick happened"
Was Omar the kid from Weeds? IMdb doesn't say.
OK, so they didn't do the piano, but they did do another meta-joke ("you'll be out next Sunday at nine," a joke that's been done-to-death already).
...
OK, so this episode had the same problem as the Simpsons: almost no plot. And making fun of your plotholes is not the same as having a plot. Also, the jokes weren't as good as the Simpsons.
...
Wait, it's not over! There's singing! Which doesn't quite excuse anything else, though it was easily the episode's best joke. Also it was too short.

American Dad!, "Pulling Double Booty":
"I'm gonna buy some beads at the bead store and then open my own bead store!"-Jeff
"Your mother acted it out for me. It was riveting, she took some very rewarding chances."-Stan
"I'd go crazy...rape Roger..."-Haley
"Making out! What are we, two sixteen-year-old girls?"-Stan

Loved Stan's explanation of why he doesn't say "I love you".
Haley handling of rejection badly is a plot that actually fits the character, plus fits because neither does Stan. Then it looks like we get another rebellion/ overprotectiveness story, then it gets weird (a word I've mispelled three times today, and spelled right on the first try zero times). And hey, they brought back Stan's double! And then it gets really weird, and kind of heartbreaking, when Stan was all, "You used to watch Sesame Street". and then it all tied back to the beginning. It both does and doesn't end well.

And somehow cockfighting is involved, which also didn't end well, come to think of it.
Apparently it's summer. Hayley's "doin' it" song may be the funniest thing I've seen all week, and it's another joke that's all in the delivery (well, that and that arm thing). Stan's ringtone is "Yankee Doodle". Reminds me of Arrested Development (the "AD" without a "!")'s ringtone gags.
This whole episode become even more creepy when you remember that Seth McFarlane (Stan/ Bill) and Rachel McFarlane (Haley) are siblings.
...
Actually, that pretty much covers it.

"I'm Kookoo for Killing stuff!": Almost-Liveblogging Fox Sunday Night

I realized I was forgetting a lot of what happened in the shows I watched, and I didn't like that they were taking a week to get up, so I'm just typing whatever comes into my head. Every before the ellipsis (...) is during-the-show analysis, everything post-ellipsis written after everything aired.

The Simpsons, "Dangerous Curves":

"You're just as bad as me! And you used to be better, which makes you worse!"-Homer

Fourth of July?
I'm glad they remember Ned is like twenty years older than Homer and Marge. Reminds me of "Out of Gas", my second-favorite Firefly episode, with the three different timelines (or last season's weakest Lost, "Ji Yeon", which tried something similar). And then they paralleled it with Bart and Lisa at the end, which worked better than it had any right to. Also liked that it had no Homer getting a gratuitous new job and that cool ending shot (was that a reference to something?) Overall, one of the shows' better recent efforts.

...

It seems The Simpsons is really only trying to do one of these "outside the box" episodes a year, which is a shame, as they're usually among the show's best. Previous years have given us "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story", "22 Short Films About Springfield", "Behind the Laughter" (which I just rewatched before this one), the original "Treehouse of Horror" and last year's Emmy-Winning "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind", and if you haven't seen any of those, illegally download it immediately (well, maybe not the first one). It's the most successful Simpsons formula, way more than, say, bringing back Sideshow Bob or doing those three-part anthologies, both of which went past the point of diminishing returns long ago. Obviously, every episode can't break the mold (for one thing, there probably aren't 425 molds to break), but they can and should definitely up the ante.

King of the Hill, "No Bobby Left Behind":

"Why can't we just go back to the gold-star/smiley-face system?" -Bobby

Have we ever seen Carl before? I want to say yes, but I can't remember when. It seem like every cartoon show has done some version of this plot already, at least the setup. It recovers in its second act a little, when it just lets everything play out, like Bobby's tinkle song or Khan vs. the Honors Program, or the special needs class actually doing something stupid. Missed the beginning of the third act (was it one of Hank's big speeches?), came back again when they started the "Kids in America" montage. Not super thrilled about the ending--J-Bone was funny, but it seemed kind of mean-spirited to have the guy actually fired, or suspended or whatever.

...

Rock Band 2 Update: "Kids in America" is hard to sing, harder than most of the songs that come after it, except "Spoonman," which I failed after the last phrase (in other words, I failed with 100% complete), and stupid "Living on A Prayer", which wasn't worth the effort. My theory that the game is too easy still stands, as I've been able to beat everything on either the first or second try (whereas I've still never beat some RB1 songs). "Aqualung" has the creepiest lyrics I've ever read. And I just found out today that Flea and Dave Navarro played on "You Oughtta Know", and that Alanis Morriseete started off as Robin Sparkles-type (thanks, Wikipedia!)
P.S. The version of "Kids in America" in this episode is yet another cover.

Also, when is King of the Hill ever going to quit with these straw-man villains? It's supposed to be "realistic", unlike, say South Park, so it can't get away with having outlandish enemies for Hank.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention earlier: for my huge school-age fanbase, it should be noted that you get fail as many standardized tests as you want and it has no effect on your grade. Also, shouldn't you be in class right now?

Family Guy, "The Man with Two Brians":

"My special power is being somehow memorable after a very short run on TV"-Peter

Jackass? What year is it? Is this a new episode or not?
I thought Brian was 7, not 8. Whatever.
Who voiced New Brian? Seemed strangely familiar.
Carol who? (Best cutaway in a while, by the way).
Puppy Brian: not nearly as cute as Baby Bart and Lisa were an hour ago.
"Long and Hard."
I just today heard someone say "whip" like Stewie does. I always assumed they made it up.
Did you catch Stewie reading this during the karaoke scene?
"What a croc!"

...

Overall, the plot of this one ripped off not one, but two Simpsons episodes (actually, there were elements of this one, too). One problem I have with Family guy is that it doesn't really care about plot or character, and instead cares about about trying to fit as many jokes as possible (notice how the entire liveblog section is just disassociated observations). This episode wasn't so bad about it, but it would have been nice to have seen something more original. I liked that Stewie's mainn problem was that New Brian was that he was boring, and they probably should have stuck with that.

American Dad, "Escape from Pearl Bailey":

"When will this city have a decent Edo period fair?"-Toshi
"This can't possibly go badly! You're my first girlfriend!"-Steve

Sorry, election over. Of course, that was just act one, which felt almost like a whole episode-in-miniature, complete with running joke about suspiciously-familiar animal groomer.
Then act two gives us surprisingly-effective Kill Bill parody and the family's only appearance. And it ended on a cliffhanger.
Then we got to the titular "Escape" section, complete with awesome voiceover. Steve and his ex-friends have to escape the various subcultures in a pretty good setpiece, and the goths dance (though not as good as on South Park), and everyone learns a lesson about caring for others, and the whole thing ends on a freeze frame.

...

One of the things I like about American Dad is that, when it wants to, it can have the fastest-moving plots an any comedy since Arrested Development. This was one of those episodes. I just happened upon my rather insightful criticism as I went along, and I liked the fact that this one had a lot going on without ever getting lost. When Family Guy or some of the weaker Simpsons episodes does it, it comes off as meandering, shallow shaggy-dog story, bereft of any real narrative intention (me like big words). This one just. Kept. Moving, and didn't waste any time, on, say, callbacks (notice the rest of the family really doesn't show up again, nor does animal stylist) or any unnecessary setup or Family Guy style how long-can-we-draw-this-joke-out.

Plus, I left out like ten other quotes I could have used at the beginning.

Livebloging Rock Band 2: Running Out of Funny Subtitles (Day 5)

7:00 PM

Redoing Setlist that broke last night (Drums, Medium):
"The Middle"-- Didn't 5 star. Oh well.
"Girl's Not Grey"-- Uses the same beat as "Green Grass and High Tides," the song that kept me from beating the first game on medium. At least this one's short.
"Lazy Eye"-- Speaking of endless guitar solos... No, this one's not that bad, but it's a little boring, playing the same thing over and over for a month.
"Our Truth"-- My arms still work, so this must not be a real metal song. The jury's still out on "Testify." It's fun if you're totally lame and not metal (which, apparently, I am).
"Chop Suey"-- My arms aren't tired, but my brain is. 50% of the reasons I wanted to do this set on drums was this song (look down for the other half). It doesn't disappoint.
"Give It All"--This song? Not that other 50%. It's a dumb song, but drumming it is more fun than singing it.
"Colony of Birchmen"-- That was pretty cool I guess.

West Coast Marathon (Vocals, Hard):
"Shackler's Revenge"-- How am I supposed to sing a song no one's ever heard before? I fail. I switch to Guitar. Then I play "Bad Repution" and start over.

"Bad Reputation" (Guitar, Expert): I like to call this song "Freaks and Geeks Theme Song," because, well, guess. Hang on, I have to do something else...8:42: I'm back. OK. Gameplaywise, this is a lot like "I Wanna Be Sedated"-- just play the chords, fast. IT gives you the same "I am cooler than I actually am" feeling I talked about with "White Wedding."

West Coast Marathon (Guitar, Expert):
"Shackler's Revenge"--Failed. This is the first guitar song that's actually been hard, as opposed to unfair ("Rock'n Me") or evil ("Anyway You Want It"). Take three.

West Coast Marathon (Guitar, Hard):
"Shackler's Revenge"-- Now having heard the whole song, it's pretty cool, though it sounds nothing like classic Guns 'N Roses. It sounds, not surprisingly, a lot like Buckethead.
"Chop Suey"-- Ten thumbs up.
"Everlong"-- I have a really good story about this song that I'm not going to share right now. Well, not really really good. A story, anyway. Well, more of an anecdote to illustrate a point. Keep waiting. Also, I get that Seattle is technically on the west coast, but are there really that few LA bands?
"Peace Sells"-- Failed once, passed once. I always thought Megadeth were a bunch of lame butt-rockers, coasting on their frontman's fame and guitar "skill." Now I know they are. Glad I only had to do this song once.
"Souls of Black"--More metal in 5 minutes than Megadeth has recorded in 25 years.
"Battery"--What's with all the thrash in this set? Whatever. This song out-thrashes both other thrashers thoroughly. Thrash thrashety thrash thrash.

Roadie Rockathon (Guitar, Expert):
"Tangled Up In Blue"-- I've tried twice to cover Bob Dylan for SotW, and both missions were aborted. Despite that, I'm not very familiar with this song. It's OK on guitar-- and a refreshing (I literally felt cleaner) break from all the hard rock. But it's a little too long and hard on the wrists. I'm guessing it was included mainly for the Vocals.
"Alive"--Not much harder on Expert than Hard. If you could beat "Even Flow" in Guitar Hero III, you'll have no problem with this one.
"Give It All"-- Still don't like it.
"Let There Be Rock"--Failed. Quit. Looked up "unlock all" code*. Finds out this deactivates achievements. Decides it's not worth it. About the song, it's a minute of no guitar followed by thirty seconds of hard guitar, lather, rinse, repeat. It's every bit as not fun as it sounds. Thankfully, I didn't have to beat the whole set to unlock "Tangled Up In Blue>" I'm taking a break.

*Go to the game modifer screen, and input "RYBRRBBRYB" (I'm assuming you can figure out what the letters stand for).

10:33: Just noticed that my drums and guitar turned themselves off. I'm not gonna stop playing, but I am gonna stop blogging. 'Night, homies.

Liveblogging Rock Band 2: 2 Rock 2 Bandious (Day 4)

3:36 PM:

Sorry. Blogger was out for a while. While it was, I played Quick Play, and 99%ed "Give It Away and 100%ed "Testify" and "So What'Cha Want" (Vocals, Hard). To be fair, I knew all the words to "Give It Away" going in. And they're all rap songs. But I never did that well on "Sabotage," which means my "this game is easy" theory is looking pretty strong.

No Pain, No Plane Challenge (Vocals, Hard): I feel cocky. I figure if I can beat "Psycho Killer" (I did that too. I thought this one was supposed to be harder?), I can do whatever this game throws at me. Let's see.
"Lump" is harder than I thought it would be, probably because I didn't try very hard. And who would have thought? "Psycho Killer" itself. You know, this song wouldn't be that hard if that guy* just sang in English. "Pinball Wizard" is probably my least favorite Who song. Of course, that's a relative measure; it's still one of the game's better songs.

Challenging Mystery Setlist (Vocals, Hard): "Let There Be Rock" is about the closest we're gonna get to an all-tambourine song. I failed "Rob the Prez-O-dent" the first time. I didn't care, I had to do it again. It's easily the funniest song in the game and I encourage you to seek it out immediately.

*I know David Byrne's name. It was for comic effect.

Make A Setlist: "I Was Wrong" and "Lazy Eye" (Vocals, Hard) (plus added Hard guitar challenge): I never really thought about it, but "I was Wrong" is like the anti-punk song. It's the song you listen to when you stop hating everything and realize that most of your problems are your own fault. It's totally made me rethink my life (not really). "Lazy Eye" is pretty good, but it wish they gave you some thing to do for the 48 hour guitar solo than hit the tambourine 1000 times. And the mystery song is... "Carry on My Wayward Son," part 1 of the Guitar Hero Carryovers (the other two are "Ace of Spades" and "More than a Feeling," neither of which I have yet). It's not really that hard of a guitar song, or a vocals song (except for the end). Also, more cowbell than any song I've yet seen.

5:27

21st Century Marathon (Vocals, Hard):
"The Middle"-- I've written enough about this one.
"Girl's Not Grey"--Failed once, barely passed second time. Don't like it anyway.
"Lazy Eye"-- Repeat
"Our Truth"-- I'm not sure how I feel about the two-vocalists thing. I thought a duet or backing vocals feature would be a cool multiplayer mode even before Rock Band Classic came out, but I'm not sure it works here. This song is OK otherwise.
"Chop Suey"-- This song, while not easy, is way easier than I expected. Still awesome, though.
"Give It All"--Failed. Second time hummed (an octave lower) and almost got four stars.
"Colony of Birchmen"-- I accidentally misread this song's title as "Colony of Bitchmen,"which I like better. On the one hand, I'm glad they did some metal, and it's probably awesome on drums. On the other, it's a bitch to sing (probably the hardest I didn't fail out of, and harder than some of those), and it just broke my XBox. Also I'm gonna starting shouting "RUN WITH DEATH!" in my best Nathan Explosion voice, at random people on the street, and I encourage you to do the same*.

*This blog, its parent company, and all of its subsidiaries do not advocate yelling "RUN WITH DEATH!" at random strangers, no matter how cool it is. Don't blame us if or when it goes horribly awry. Awry means bad.

Since my XBox just froze up and I don't feel like starting over, so I'm out bitchladies and bitchgentlemen.

Liveblogging Rock Band 2: Electric Bandaloo (Day 3)

9:43 PM, Wednesday

Alternative Marathon (Drums, Medium):
"De-Luxe"--repeat
"Give It Away"--repeat
"Testify"-- I just figured out drummers can freestyle over the end of songs (it was just the beginnings in RB1). Doesn't quite make up for almost no Big Rock Endings
"Teenage Riot"-- Fun. I'll have more to say later, I bet.
"Everlong"-- I think they made the Medium version easy on purpose to mess with my head.

Ernie Ball Showcase(Drums, Medium; Repeats Omitted):
"We Got the Beat":I liked the surf-rocky part in the break. Also, they replaced hihat & crash effect (yellow & green pads) with toms for freestyle. Is it because of the cybal add-on they're releasing (probably).
...5 starred "The Middle"..."Where'd You Go" isn't a repeat, I just forgot about it...
"Let There Be Rock": What a big, dumb, awesome song. Also I got five stars and did another Big Rock Ending. Also also, why isn't this the song played at the beginning (instead of "Hello There")?

Done and done.

Liveblogging Rock Band 2: Rock Bander (Day 2)

7:33 PM, Tuesday: I don't have a lot of time, so let's just jump into it.

"Where'd You Go" (Bass, Expert): Hey, they added effects for bass players! Finally.

"Rock'n Me" (Guitar, Expert): Failed. Also, they added hammer-ons for chords, but that's not why I failed.

"Rock'n Me" (Guitar, Hard): I like this song, and I'm never playing nit on guitar again. Maybe it's bad calibration or something else, but it seemed unfairly hard to get the timing right in this one. I trying my Guitar Hero 3 controller if it happens again.

Mystery Setlist, The Bison Room (Guitar, Expert): "White Wedding" is my pick for biggest resurgance in popularity from the game (often called the Guitar Hero bump). It's just hard enough to make you feel talented for beating it, it has lots of sustain notes to rock the whammy bar on, and you can jump up and down and/or act like a complete idiot and still get three stars. It actually makes you feel cooler while you're playing it (that insight alone made me glad I did the liveblog instead of the usual postmortem review). "A Jagged Gorgeous Winter" (new to my ears) is a little too emo for my taste, but it's good for that sort of thing, I guess. Too bad, that, like "Rock'n Me" or "Float On", it's more hard than it is challenging in a fun way.

For some reason I had to reboot and play those two over, hang on... This time it's "Psycho Killer", which doesn't really pick up until the solo, "One Way or Another," which is good except for the solo, and "Lump," which is a little too chord-heavy.

Special Encore: "Any Way You Want It." I thought this was too easy, an "Eye of the Tiger"-esque song put in as joke. Then I got to the solo, and failed it. Twice.

Mystery Setlist, Alice's Free Love Cafe *Guitar, Hard): "Mountain Song" isn't really that Hard, but that riff is a finge-buster. Good song, though."Come Out and Play (Keep 'Em Separated)"-- too long a name for a song. Plus it's another I wished I'd been singer for. Otherwise pretty good.

Merch Search Showcase (Guitar, Hard):
"The Middle," perhaps the most optimistic rock song of the last ten years, plays better on drums. On guitar it's another of those "play thischord eight times, then thi chord, etc." songs I mentioned Sunday (other than the chorus, which is fun).
The inclusion of "Round and Round" still mfstifies me. At least "Nine in the Afternoon" and "Living on a Prayer" are big hits. But besides strippers, who gives a ratt's (see what I did there?) ass about this song? Whatever.
"Alive" is kind of famous for its solo (which is actually pretty easy), but the whole thing works pretty well, mixing slow and fast parts, hard and easy parts, and a solo that's as fun to play as it is awesome. Also, fourt Big Rock Ending, which is now officially an endangered species according to the EPA.

[Update: I just checked and "Rock'n Me" is the hardest guitar song I have unlocked.]

Mystery Setlist, El Ocho (Bass, Expert): My thoughts on "Alex Chilton" are best summed up in one sentence fragment: THE REPLACEMENTS!!!!! I love you Rock Band 2, I can even forgive you for Bon Jovi. Other song is "Shooting Star," which actually has a pretty cool baseline.

Make-A-Setlist: "Drain You" and "Go Your Own Way" (Guitar, Expert): It's confirmed. Nothing can make these songs not fun. Also I'm just noticing how much the animation is improving. During "Drain You" my singer seemed, if not quite Pixar-level animation, maybe Dreamworks-level (though they're still a little short on moves).

LA's Brat Pack (Guitar, Hard): Just some quick hits, since there's so many:
"One Step Closer"-- just OK
"Give It Away"-- easier than I thought it would be (I 100%ed the first solo). But then, Frusciante's brilliance lies in the simplicity of his playing (most pretentious Pretentious Muttering ever!).
"Kids in America"-- Like with "American Woman", I know the lame covers of this better tha the fun, Joan Jett-ish original. Maybe it's a generation thing. Speaking of Joan Jett, when am I gonna get "Bad Reputation"? Fifth Big Rock Ending.
"Lazy Eye"-- I asways think of this one as "1979.5," but it's pretty good in the game. And I'm not against using the 90-minute extended guitar solo version, but they probably should have put it at the end of the set, not the middle.
"Come Out...Separated)"-- As I'm now calling it. Exactly the same as before.
"Mountain Song"-- See above. If for some reason you have an inner Dave Navarro, you can unleash him/it by playinng this song (that's not a dick joke, pervert).
"Testify"-- I don't know why they picked this over "Sleep Now In the Fire," which is a better song, a bigger hit, a wierder guitar solo, and the only Rage song you can dance to. Still, this one works pretty good, though I suspect it's more fun on other instruments.

-30-

Liveblogging Rock Band 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold

And we're back! Did you miss me? We should be back on schedule now. For shizzle.

12:06 PM, Sunday: OK, so I was one of those people who bought Rock Band 2 (a game that's been out for over a month) in its Special Edition um, edition, at midnight last night. I'm the first person in town to get me one (there was someone ahead of me, but I checked out first. Arbitrary distinctions FTW!).

I can't think of any reviews that capture the experience of playing a game, and Rock Band has lots of load screens, and we're starved for content, and I didn't want to wait till I was done to review it, so I was all "hey I'ma do a liveblog." My inner monologue speaks in hilariously dated Ebonics.

First things first: the equipment. Well, the box. It's packaged way better than the Queen Mary-sized (the boat, not the bar) box the first came in-- everything's in one big box instead of three, and you need to cut maybe four pieces of tape, not a [metaphor for large amount of tape].

The microphone is almost identical to RB1's. It's not wireless, though I think the cord is longer. There's still no buttons. It still says "Rock Band" on it in that weird-asst font. The doodad near the base is smaller, but I can't even remember what that's called. I haven't used it yet, so it may or may not work better than the original.

The guitar is pretty much the same as Plasticaster V1, except where the cord was, is the button to wirelessly connect (note: press this button immediately when loading. I pressed the XBox Guide Button for 20 minutes before I got this and the drums connected). I haven't used this one either, but just holding it and pushing the buttons feels a little better than the old one.

I have used the drums, for about two hours (I was up till 3:45). They're way better. They're easier to use: I was getting high four-star ratings on some songs that weren't harder than those I got threestars in 1 (tell me you understood that. I'm trying to say I did better with these than the old ones). I didn't wear out on longer songs (which is why I never got past "Green Grass and Endless Guitar Solo" on medium). They're quieter, too, as I didn't wake up anyone else playing at 3:00.

I played maybe six songs, but I spent a lot of time in the (awesome) drum trainer mode. There's not much to it, but it has a Zen-like purity that reminds me of Tetris, with all these red and yellow blocks falling towards you.

One more thing, since I've spent half an hour writing and zero seconds playing today: does anyone know how I import my guy from Rock Band Numero One-o? He had a cool hat and more money than my current guy.

12:37: Wikipedia says importing is a no-no. (Sighs deeply). I guess this no guy will have to do.

12:43: Apparently, the disc is unreadable, despite looking better than literally every disc I've ever Netflix'd.

Fender Warmups (Guitar, expert): "Float On" is surprisingly tricky (far from hard, though). Something about the chords. "Today" is one of the few songs I can almost play on a real guitar. It's an early standout of the (two) songs I've played so far, and pretty fun for such an easy song (though I still think they should have went with "Bullet With Butterfly Wings". I haven't heard of "New Kid in School" before, and it's not love at first listen, but it's a good selection on guitar, mixing chord-bashing and fast single-note runs. It's easy with a challenging solo, which gives you something to replay it for. Plus, the shaved-head, shirtless lead singer of my band with a girl's voice? Never gets old.
I four-starred two of these songs, which rarely happens on expert. Am I getting better or is the game getting easier?

Bass Apprentice (Bass, Expert): Die-hard readers know how much better bass is than guitar. Let's put that to the test. "Round and Round" isn't the worst hair-metal song ever, but it's still a hair metal song. Plus, it's one of those songs where you play the green note 8 times, then the red note 8 time, then the yellow, ad nauseam. "Hungry Like the Wolf" isn't really any less cheesy than "Round and Round," but it's the fun kind of cheese, and you play more than one note. "Pump it Up" and "We Got the Beat" are actually fun in a non-cheesy way, though a lot harder than the first two.
Why was this set all 80's pop-rock? Only God knows.

Lunch Break

2:07 PM: And we're back! Um, again.

Make a Setlist: "E-Pro" and "Drain You" (Vocals, Hard): It's not exactly hard to sing like Beck, but then "E-Pro" throws in the na-na-na... chorus, which I have to mess up my throat to do right. I've heard that "Drain You" was Kurt Cobain's favorite Nirvana song, and I can see why. Gameplaywise, it's way easier than "In Bloom" was in the last game. I could barely finish "In Bloom" on Hard (and can't on Expert), but I got five stars on "Drain You." It might be a bit too easy, actually. I typed some of this post during the solo (without pausing), and came back in too late, but still, 5 stars.
Hey, does "Vox" rhyme with "Ox" or "Oaks"?

Boston, Wicked Awesome Local Setlist (Vocals, Hard): Norman Greenbaum is from Boston? Anyway, first song, "Spirit in the Sky," is something of a 70's rock cliche (pretend the accent mark is there), but it's a nice, mellow, easy-to-sing song, and there's nothing wrong with that, especially this early in the game. Plus, lots of tambourine. I could have swore Dinosaur Jr. wasn't Bostonese, either. I suspect most people have never heard "Feel the Pain" (I hadn't) before playing it, which makes it harder than it actually is (especially for singers). Plus it's a great song. "Where'd You Go?" is the first song I've failed so far. Second time through, I sang "ah-ah" to the pitch and got four stars. Not a good sign.

Battle of the Vans (Vocals, Hard): I hate "Nine In the Afternoon." I hate its pretentious lyrics. I hate its winking, plasticky fakeness. I hate those claps at the end. I hate it on a train. I hate it on a plane. I hate that I knew the words before playing it in the game. I hate that it's a big hit and "Fell the Pain" is an obscurity. I hate that it somehow takes itsself too seriously and not seriously enough. Compare it to "Eye of the Tiger." Even Survivor doesn't take the song seriously; remember that coffee commercial? Both songs are moderately hard, gameplaywise, though "Eye of the Tiger" is just above my range giving me a sore throat. Plus I feel the need to shout when singing it. Also, the new mic is really sensitive. I kid you not, it's picking up the sound of my typing. You migt have already guessed that I like "Today." It's one of those songs where the verse or chorus are completely different, and it takes you through a lot of different styles (whispery falsetto in the early verses, loud choruses, long sustained notes nearer the end).

On to New York! E-Pro again. Weirdly, I fail this time. How come my band is different every show?

"Hello There" by Cheap Trick (Vocals, Hard): The annoying song that plays when you start up the game. It's surprisingly fun to shout your way through, and mercifully short, so it's not all bad.

3:34: [Switches to Drums] [There were noise complaints]

Nine in the Afternoon (Drums, Medium): Nothing special to report. Almost got 5 stars.

Make-a-Setlist: "I Was Wrong" and "So What'cha Want" (Drums, Hard): Warning! "So What'Cha Want' is the same beat through the whole song. Lame. "I Was Wrong" is all right, though kind of easy.

Simple Mystery Setlist (New York, Ramp Arts; Drums, Medium): "Pretend We're Dead" is strange. It's one of few songs to use a drum riff, and it's the first Big Rock Ending I've had so far. Not sure if I like it. "That's What You Get" isn't as bad as, say, "Nine in the Afternoon" but its still lame. It's not, as it claims to be, "power pop". It's just pop. "One Step Closer" is equally stupid, but I'm going easy on it since I got five stars. It reminds me of "Fat Lip" way, way back in the first Guitar Hero, another dumb song that was a lot of fun to play. Plus, another gender-reversed singer.

NYC-- I Heart Local Artists (Drums, Medium):
"So What'Cha Want" again. Makes sense. On Medium, it lacks the offbeat bass drum that made it such a pain on Hard. Otherwise, they're identical.
"PDA" is one of the songs I played yesterday, and (surprise!) it's exactly the same as then: a little too easy. I could have gone to the bathroom and come back ducring the drum-free part (ont that that's a bad thing). Also I thought Interpol was (were? are? be?) British. Guess not.
"One Way or Another" would have been a good choice to include whether it was fun to play or not. It's one of the few songs alternative, pop, and classic rock fans can all agree on (sorry, metalheads). And it has a female singer. It acttually is fun to play, but on Medium it was too easy to hear the notes I wasn't playing (i.e. the ones you only play on Hard and Expert).
"Psycho Killer"? Oh, I wish I'd done singing instead. I jest: this is a good one to just bash through, without thinking too much (like a real drummer!). Said bashing resulted in my first dropped (thrown, really) drumstick.

Montrealward Ho!

Simple Mystery Setlist (Drums, Medium): I have nothing new to say about "Hungry Like the Wolf," only that I think it's going to be stuck in my head all week, and I suspect I'm not the only one. "Man in the Box," or as I like to call it, everyone's third-favorite Alice In Chains song, sounds... different? It's the vocals. It's a master, but maybe it's remixed? Maybe because I always sing over it, I don't know.

Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill (Drums, Hard): Failed

Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill (Drums, Medium): That's more like it. On Medium, this is like the easiest song ever. Nothing else to say have I.

Cool for Cats by Squeeze (Drums, Medium): A drum solo! All my prayers have been answered!

Bus or Bust Competition (Drums, Medium): "Drain You"! I played it last night, and both times it was fun and challenging without being difficult. "Hello There" remains just short enough to not be annoying. We'll see if it stays that way on the hundredth playthrough.

Crap. "Living on a Prayer" made it into this game. At least on drums I don't have to play that stupid guitar "riff' (it's not music, it's a special effect! It's like the Michael Bay of guitar riffs) or sing the awkward, clich(e with accent)-riddled lyrics.

I won a bus!

Montreal-- Canada's Local Artists, Eh? (Drums, Medium): Don't let me down, Canada.
"American Woman". Ah, yes, I remember that old Lenny Kravitz classic. We used to listen-- what's this now? The Guess Who? Where the [expletive] is Winnipeg? Whatever.
I knew it would be Alanis. What else is there in Canada? And they needed to include a few songs people have heard of. Despite my rock snobbery, "You Oughta Know" is actually a pretty good song, in hindsight, and whatever underpaid session drummer recorded it gave me something good to play along to.
I called Rush, too. Love them or hate them, Rush is kind of the perfect band for this game, and "The Trees" is Rush at their best: silly but meaningful lyrics, other qualities, and a drum solo! Wooooooo! Drum Solo!

"We Got the Beat" (Drums, Hard): Failed. Never accept the film student challenge, readers.

"Lump", by PotUSA (that's an acronym, folks; Drums, Hard): Failed

"Lump" (Drums, Easy): I hit Easy on accident, trying to hit Medium. Not surprisingly, Easy is easy-- I got 5 stars without trying.

"Give It Away" (Drums, Medium): This isn't really a "drum" song, and it's still totes funs (as the kids say). Except I felt weird playing it with my shirt on.

Sweaty's BBQ Mystery Setlist (Drums, Medium): "The Middle" (the one by Jimmy Eat World-- I think there's a lot of songs with that name) is too hard. I only got four stars! "Pinball Wizard," on the other hand, must be too easy, because I finished the whole thing. Double standards are fun!

Go Your Own Way (Drums, Medium): Paramor, or however you guys mispell your name? This is Power Pop. Not whatever it is you people do.

Dinner Break

Make A Setlist: "De-Luxe" and "Shooting Star" (Drums, Medium): Not much to say about "De-Luxe." I think it's the first 6/8 time song in the game, but I might be full of crap. I'm grateful for the fadeout ending, so I could type and play at the same time.
With "Shooting Star," we get the obligatory song about rock stardom. It's the third Big Rock Ending, after "Pretend We're Dead" and "The Trees", so far (does that number seem low to you guys?). It's also way too long, at more than 6 minutes--I almost missed King of the Hill.

It's 7:40 PM, and I'm done playing and equally done blogging.