Two-Part Hundredth Postacular, Part Two (of Four)

See, I had all these Grand Plans, and now I just want all this anniversary crap to be over so I can get back to talking about Pokémon.

Actually, you know what, all the serious reflection I was going to do here? I'm making that the 150th post. Problem solved.

I still have some other retrospective stuff I was gonna do though. Here's the post that was going to be part three of four, promoted to part two of three. Nobody remembers part three anyway. Think about the third verse of "Amazing Grace", or "White Christmas", or any other song with at least three verses. You can't, because no one ever remembers the third part. Anyway, here's the thing.

The Many Looks of The Infinite:

The Basic:

When I came up with the basic design of this blag, there were two concepts I wanted to focus on, both of which play off the reason I picked the name: I see the Internet as a big, unending, mostly empty place. So I what wanted to do was create the illusion that you were kind of trapped or lost in an endless space. So there are a lot of ways to do that, but I decided to focus on two elements of that, 3-D and sort of "larger-than-life" (in quotes because they're not really that big). Since most fonts are viewed straight-on--note to self, design font that's viewed in profile-- the best way to show 3-D is with blur. I tried a lot of fonts and the one I decided on, oddly enough, is called Erthqake (not to be confused with the similarly-named Earthquake). Normally, it looks like this. I know. Sometimes it's the last thing you'd suspect.

To reinforce the "fog" idea, I always use grayscale colors with this one. Regular colors "pop" too much and kind of destroy the illusion of blurriness. For the same reason, this (and-

To make the letters look bigger without actually making them bigger, I made them taller, and farther apart. My goal was to make them kind of monolithic, as if they're looking down on you, but without overdoing it and looking silly.

The Speaking of Silly:

Like a lot of the alternate logos, this one has only been used once, for a few weeks around Halloween, mainly because it doesn't make sense otherwise. This was the first alternate, so I was a bit conservative about it, sticking to grayscale (albeit reversed), blur, no edges and the same font. And honestly, it's probably my favorite out of all of them. I just like the skulls (if you do too, you can get a them here).

The Guess Which Presidential Election I Used This for:

First of all, I really do love 'mrka, in a not-ironic way. Seriously, have you been to other countries? Most of them suck, especially the food. Plus everything there is really old for some reason, it's like, build some new stuff other countries! Anyway, I'm not completely satisfied with this design, which is probably the shortest-lived one (running only from Halloween to Election Day). It's bacause it has edges. I prefer logos that blend into their background, and there was just no way for that to work here. I do like the red-white-and-blue color scheme that accompanied it though.

And Then the Third Futurama Movie Came Out:

The first of many logo parodies, undoubtedly. The hard thing here was getting the colors. The blue used for the real logo just looked wrong here, and I couldn't find quite the right shades of red and yellow to make it identical. In the end I just went with what looked good over strict accuracy. This one ran for about a week, I think, though it did lead to me coming up with the phrase "RSSMatron" (look to your right if you don't get it), which I guess is remains its legacy. Also the "flash" background directly led to the next one.

The Next One:

In case you hadn't noticed, this is also the current logo, though it originally went for about a week (November 2008: Month of the Four Logos. Actually five, I think I switched out the Halloween one a little late). But it's versatile enough to be reuseable. It also fits well with my aforementioned design elements, since the light helps place the words in space, and also has a somewhat alienating effect. Hopefully).

The Shiny:

Here I wanted to use the same design ideas, but approach them in different ways. Just as with the last one, the letters are illumnitated with a light, but this time it comes from a (heavily doctored) photo. I like the bombasticness of this one-- it's infinite in its own way-- but ultimately it didn't fit.

This was my Thanksgiving one, in case you didn't guess. Like I said, Novemeber had a lot of logos, especially if you include whatever I switched to after Thanksgiving (probably the Basic one, I can't remember. Huh, I guess that actually makes six).

"Oh, You Mean Xmas":

Pretty easy one to describe. Mostly I did this one because I liked this background picture. What I like here is that there's a moodiness and atmosphere to this that most of the other logos don't have-- it's very cold in the literal sense, but figuratively still warm and inviting. At least, that's what I see in it.

Tribute to Portal One:

See, originally I'd planned to review Portal after I finished it, instead of over a month later, and I designed this based on the game's credit sequence.

Again, this approaches the "infinite" idea from a different direction. Instead of being infinite in direction or size, this one is (not literally) infinite in how many pieces it has. Sort of I did it betteron my second go-round:

My Second Go-Round:

This one combines the "many, many things" idea with the "3d" and "blur" ideas. It'd be my very most favoritest, but it's a little too complicated.

Valentimes is Special Times:Here again we see the "many, many things" idea. This logo is actually a repurposing of something I had designed earlier, something I normally wouldn't do, but I thought it worked well.

I don't really celebrate Valentime's Day, religiously or socially, so I thought it would be funny to, in contrast to that, go all out with the blog design. The background was a maroon-red-purplish (I'd call it Dark Pink, but that's actually an oxymoron, and also a good name for a rock album*), the text actually had pink links, and this huge, intentionally garish logo dominated most of the screen. Luckily I got away with it because I don't think I had readers then. Actually, I have no idea if I have readers now. If you're a reader, please leave a comment so I can get a ballpark figure. Hell, leave two.

Here's what I did for St. Patrick's Day. My favorite thing about this: no green. I mean, green is a perfectly good color, but must we always go for the cliche? Instead I went with booze, clearly making a sign for "The Infinite Bar & Grill". At least I was kind of subtle.

Of course, my original idea was to do some kind of Celtic knot design, since those already symbolize infinity. But I couldn't figure out how.

OK, that's all of them so far. We can now resume our regularly scheduled blogtivities.

*Two other good names: Self-Titled Debut and ...A Good Name for a Rock Album, if only as meta-jokes.

UPDATE 4-3:
I built this animated one using gickr (not sure how that's pronounced). Consider it a bonus. Actually, my original plan was to do an animation, but I decided it would be too distracting. Plus I can't use this one, it's too small and jerky. And I'm not sure if it even works, literally. Seemed fine earlier.

Surfing the Infinite, Part II

"SURFING THE INFINITE, PART 2"

CUT TO BACKSTAGE. A HANDFUL OF AIDES AND ONLOOKERS STAND, WORRIED, JUST BECOMING AWARE OF THEIR SITUATION. LOOKING ONSTAGE FROM THE WINGS, WE CAN SEE OUR SPEAKER IN THE DISTANCE. HIS WORDS ARE REPEATED, ECHOING BACK TO US:

MAN (OFFSCREEN):
Where is everyone?

WE CAN SEE SAME THE QUESTION PASS ACROSS THE FACES OF THE PEOPLE BACKSTAGE.

FINALLY, ONE SPEAKS.

AIDE ONE:
Where is everyone?

A LONG PAUSE

AIDE TWO:
Why do I feel like I've heard that before?

Post 99: The final frontier

[Song of the Week is a "weekly" feature which is supposed to update every Thursday Friday, but almost never does. In it, Drew records a song, or attempts to record a song, or gives up and writes another movie review.]

"Taps"


Just one more until the two-part hundredth postacular event. But more on that story as it breaks. Right now, musical things are afoot.

I kind of don't want to say anything about this, else I'll ruin the surprise. It got started just as a guitar test, and it pretty much still is. I wanted to try out my custom effect (mentioned in a few previous posts) with some genuine surf guitar. It sounded kind of generic, so I started trying other stuff, and the whatever-you-want-to-call-it that came out is this week's song.

On an unrelated note, the NBC chimes and"Taps" use more or less the same progression. So I threw that in there as a joke.

The only real problem I have here is that three minutes is probably to long for a noise test. But whatever. It's not like you have to listen to the whole thing.

DOWNLOADABLE VERSION:
Rerelease Notes: This one's the same.

Post 98: Liveblogging Pokémon Platinum, Part 3

ok so so far today i've caught everyone's favorite useless pokemon, magikarp. they should just rename "the ugly duckling" to "the typical magikarp". also i got a fishing rod. that's how i caught it. should have said that part first.

also i taught all (well, two) my pokemons rock smash so i can use it on that douchehole roark. then i levelgrinded for a while.

...lots of looking at charts...

for no real reason, i listen to "save the population " three times in a row. i believe this is the first sign of insanity. but having passed the fifth or sixth sign long ago, this worries me not.

i catch budew. how do pronounce that? bud-YEW? ba-DOO? something completely nonsensical? looks like that's the one.

"What? Kricketot is evolving!" it seems to have turned into a cricket violin. i remember what carl sagan said about artificial selection. did kricketune grow to look like a violin because humans bred for that trait? because we slaughtered the others? you think about it that way it stops being so cute.

almost accidentally, i catch a psyduck. i didn't even know they had those here.

ok i'm ready. my kickass pokemon are ready to kick this ass in the ass. bring it, roark. also i'm saving first so i can cheat and not lose.

i win. as it turned out, i could have just used piplup instead of teaching four of my pokemon rock smash. actually, i want to see if that'll work. [resets system]

maybe. piplup died and i wasn't taking chances with the others, though i probably could do it. also i had to use all my potions. going to try again...

i did it! without changing my strategy at all. which makes me wonder how much of this game is just luck. last time, my opponent weakened my defense too much, completely at random. this time, a critical hit almost made me lose everything sort of. luckily i'm so awesome and technically undefeated that it still didn't matter.
"What Piplup is evolving!"-- sure picked an appropriate time to do it.

i think Prinplup, nee Piplup, needs a break now. and i just finished my Cosmos (episode 8! only five remain! exclamation points make even boring things exciting!). i'm going to go watch tv.

Post 97: Liveblogging Pokémon Platinum, Part 2

Sorry about the abrupt way that part one ended. My Internet crapped out all of a sudden. All you missed was I caught a Starly and my mom gave me a journal and JOHNDOEs mom gaved me a parcel. So let's go.

9:41: "Gotcha! BIDOOF was caught!". I'm gonna call him Bidoof.

"DREW found an antidote!" I should probably return it to whoever lost it, poor guy.
"Sandgem town: the town of sand." Oh, like how Seattle is the city of sea. Wait, that's not right.

Dawn's going to show me how to catch a pokemon. i feel guilty telling her i already know how. also, there's no option for that.

hooray, five free pokeballs! everyone wants to hook the DREW up with free stuff. except i already bought five. and used two. boy am i dumb.

"you're a pokemon trainer, and our eyes met, so we must battle!"-- talk about lampshade hanging.

the new animation for quick attack: pokemon runs in a circle, and then runs in my general direction. cool. also i win pokebattle! i is undefeated!

i don't know what Shinx is, but i'm really mad i couldn't catch one.

ok i got one. i think it's supposed to be a lion, but inexplicably blue. maybe it got too cold?

on the other hand, the animation for pound is a little red smudge appearing on my enemies forehead. from now on i'm calling it "smudge".

10:12: i catch kricketot, which appears to be a cricket in a suit. it's my new favorite.

WTF is a Burmy? it's like a unicorn and an acorn got caught in an atom smasher. except any product of that should rightly have "corn" in its name.

I find a potion, and reflect on its implications. are there any other forms of magic in Sinnoh. my brain says no; my gut dissents.

Dawn wants to show me around the big city. by pure accident we run into some crazy man who thinks he's an "international police". i get a "vs. recorder", but coming from a creep like that, who knows what it actually did. oh well, i'm sure i've seen the last of him.

there's two guys outside, "trading pokemon" right on the street. what has the world come to?

i get a town map. i try to think of something funny, and draw a blank.

i proceed to show those douchebag schoolkids who's boss. serves em right for trying to learn things.

i talk to some clowns and get something called a poketch. yep, that's normal.

JOHNDOE wants to fight. again. sigh. i win, but that stupid Turtwig needs to stop using withdraw. jerk.
man Zubat is a big fat cheater. i should probably get one.

"Piplup learned water sport!"-- Piplup learned to Jet Ski? It's bad enough I can teach it to surf.

"Zubat was caught". now i can be a big fat cheater. also i can get my ass out of stupid route 203. ps why do they even bother having wild abras if you can't catch them? just as a tease?

why is Budew smiling at me?! does it know something i don't?!

what water sport does: makes fire attacks work less. that don't do much when you're fighting whatever a Budew is. so i just keep using pound.

"Zubat learned Supersonic" -- hey, now it's actually useful

one sided fight: abra (knows one move, teleport, and can't use it) vs. zubat (knows two moves, one that confuses abra and the other, leech life, is super effective and healy-doing). them's my skillz.

ha, "Lass Madeline", if that is your real name, you take your fancy gym badge and your Psyduck and you go home and tell everyone who's boss! (hint: me).

i got an hm06(rocksmash)! and i can't use it yet. that's kind of dickish.

random dude wants to show me where something is! isn't that Dawn's job?

JOHNDOE just used the phrase "like seriously serious". also who's his dad? and why is he so oblique about talking about it? i bet it's amnesia. plus stupid gym leader can't stay in the gym. (frowny emoticon)

"Oreburg City: City of Energy"-- at least they didn't call it "city of ore". also wondering what's up with the weird slopey-roofs in this town.

Random townsperson named his Psyduck "Yellow"...but its evolution is blue... but its name is Goldduck. my head spins.

The Oreburgh mining museum is as authentically boring as a real mining museum. I liked that their "how coal is made" segment is completely accurate and has no plot significance whatsoever. although i feel there should be more of an acknowledgment of coal's environmental effects.

update on the sinnoh housing crisis: every building in Oreburgh is commercial. they must all commute.

I got a yellow shard!

...What's a yellow shard?

I catch an Onix. which is surprisingly hard. for some reason all my pokemon know are normal type attacks, which are "not very effective". also i had to use something called a dusk ball. at least i only needed one.

you know what's a weird word? "mine". it means three things, none of which have any relation to each other. oh well, back to fighting Zubats.

i catch a geodude. is there no pokemon i can't catch? it would appear not. or maybe it would appear so. that's one of those things where you can put a positive or negative, i don't think it matters.

The gym leader is named Roark. did his parents name him that as a joke? an guess what type he uses? at least "Brock" is a real name.

also he's all "hi this is what rock smash looks like you have to beat the gym leader to use it p.s. i'm the gym leader bye." get some manners to go with your dumb girly hair, dude.

hey, it's the guy who stands by the entrance of the gym and tells you how to win! i remember him! don't the gym members get tired of him?

hey, this gym has a shortcut! oh well, i can one-hit kill these guys with bubble. i shall fight.

...which is what i almost do. it went so small you couldn't even see it, but i digress. still undefeated after two fights, using four moves total (all of them bubble). time to fight Roark.

I lost. twice almost, but i reset before i lose any more money/ battles. my undefeated record remains intact through cheating.

i beat the easy two guys and decide to check out the underground...

...nevmind, can't go there yet. just some wi-fi fighting stuff.

I catch a Machop. I'm working an angle here.

I catch another one so I can trade it for Abra. this is all hilarious I know. but then i put them both in the computer and spend five minutes trying to sort out which was the original.
OK, that was funny in my head. It's 2:35 AM, give me a break.

woman named Hilary trades for my Machop. get to see trade animation for first time. it's truly an astounding experience which can't be described.

I catch Ponyta. No real reason, just wanted one. Also my Cosmos is over so I should probably quitslashsleep now before this stop sense make purple monkey dishwasher.

Post 96: Liveblogging Pokémon Platinum, Part 1

Why? Because:

a) I think my Rock Band 2 liveblog is one of the better things I've done here, and
a1) The same reasons here as there. Video games are too long to be looked at holistically; with a few exceptions, most can't just be finished in a day or two, and some never ever end. so I prefer to write about them as I play them.
b) Pokémon isn't something that demands your full attention; you can multitask with it. I thought this would be a funny other task.
c) I haven't played a Pokégame since Gold (though I think I last played it like two weeks ago). I want to see what's changed, and take you, gentle reader, along for the ride.
d) I found out about Bulbapedia and plan to use articles like this one to game the system (this is also how I got tricked into replaying Gold).
e) I've always thought it would be hilarious to overanalyze something something that, at its core, is made for children. My original idea was Harry Potter, but books are for dweebs and gaywads.
f) Nostalgia, I guess? Also, it is a pretty good game.

Refresh for updates. I'll be watching Cosmos on my laptop, to balance out my lowbrow with some highbrow.


11:23 PM: Turned on DS. DS Lite is too ritzy for me.
11:25: Man, this game is loud.
11:26: "Press Start"
:27: I mute it. Also, some old dude named Rowan wants to show me how to use my DS. I decide to humor him, and afterward wish I paid more attentioon to what X and Y do.
:30: Rowan tells me what Pokemon are. If I lived in Pokeworld, wouldn't I already know this? Disbelief suspended.
:31: I am a boy. But what's my name?
:32: Oh, right. My name is Fucktard Drew. Well, actually, DREW.
33: And wh can forget my friend, JOHNDOE? P.S., what's up with his hair?

dude, JOHNDOE has like ADHD or something.
"the x button opens the menu" (too lazy for caps or timestamps from here on out).
hey, it's mom. she wants me to stay out of tall grass, which makes me wonder how people leave this town. maybe it's like in that twilight zone where the kid sent people to "the field".

11:42, Route 201: Eat it, Twinleaf Town. We're out of here, man!
11:43: Guess they were serious about that tall grass thing. Also, Carl Sagan just called Pluto a planet. Oh, how things have changed.

Question sort of answered. Nobody has Pokemon in Twinleaf Town.

Some Dawn chick brings Rowan his suitcase. She doesn't wont me to have no pokesmons. me and JD show her, we're all like, hells yeah we's getting pokemons. I can already tell she's gots the hots for me.

I choose Piplup, going by the famous "always bet on penguin" rule.

First thing JD wants to do is fight. I can already tell he'll be trouble.
"Piplup used Pound!"
"Turtwig used withdraw!"
I win, thus proving that the best offense is a good offense.
"Piplup grew to level 6!"

Carl Sagan explains how we know the Earth is round. It involves shadows.

Hooray, running shoes! Those would have been nice three generations ago, Game Freak.

JD and me are gonna catch a legendary pokemon. this should end well.

...or it would, if that cyrus douchebag wasn't in our way.
JD just called them P-O-K-accent-E-Balls. He's my new favorite character.

i fight a wild bidoof, which looks something like a superdeformed beaver. not that kind of beaver.
then i ko me a starly in some bird-on-bird action. i'm 3 for 3.

"piplup grew to level 7!"

all these f'in bidoofs are getting on my nerves.

oh, hey dawn. what, you want to give me a tour? listen, i think for now we should keep this a purely business arrangement, k? k?

rowan gives me a pokedex, but he's kind of passive-aggressive about it. yeah, i'll take good care of it. i'm not tarded.

"...i get a thrill when i'm with a pokemon"-- no comment

Dawn would "be happy to teach [me] things". told you guys.

uh-oh. that guy over is dawn's father. he seems kind of passive-aggressive too. listen, man, i can't help being so cool and sexy. it's the hat. the stupid, stupid, hat. also, i got a tm 27.

How do pokefolk live in such small houses? dawn's house has three generations and two beds, and it's the biggest one so far. no wonder she wants to hit the road so bad. and don't even get me started on these one-room shacks. you'd think the serious housing crisis in Sinnoh would be a bigger deal.

you ever notice with the pokecenters, you get on the escalator going to the left, but get off going right? that don't make no sense, from a practical standpoint.

i spend ten minutes drawing my signature on my trainer license. doing so, i become one of three people who didn't draw a penis.

Post 95 (for real this time): Snark

I wanted to link to this but couldn't find a subtle way of doing it. It's good. Meaty enough to chew on but no so dry and flavorless it becomes inedible. Sorry, I'm hungry. Anyway, it made me think about how I write here and stuff, & I like to think I'm pretty good about avoiding out-and-out meanness or assholocity (not so much with the made-up words). Whatever, I'm kind of busy, so I thought I'd do the link thing instead of a full post, at least right now.

Are you ready to eastern-influenced ambient prog rock?!

[Song of the Week is a "weekly" feature which is supposed to update every Thursday Friday, but almost never does. In it, Drew records a song, or attempts to record a song, or gives up and writes another movie review.]

"For the Birds":


This song is a testament to what you can do with production. If you listen to the pure, unprocessed tracks, it's probably the worst thing I've ever put to record. But when I apply my super secret* homebrewed effects package (last heard here), it turns into something that's actually kind of cool.

The idea came when I went outside, as I do about three times a year, and heard some birds singing their bird songs. I remembered a trick I had been working on with a recorder, to try and make it sound like a birdcall. It's complicated but it involves muting and covering part with your hands and harmonics. So I wanted to use that.

My self-imposed challenge with this song was no guitars, no bass, no piano. Also I have a sore throat so I couldn't sing. So the lead part became the recorder part, which is pretty dumb because I can't play the recorder, and for the rhythm part, I layered a lot of drums. By drums, I mean a tambourine, an upside-down trash can, and a water cooler (empty). Real drums are expensive. Also for good measure I threw in some rainstick and a children's toy. I don't know what it's called, you spin it in a circle and it makes a whistly noise? Somebody help me out here. I used it in "I ♥ Noise", too.

Anyway, the drums sounded really bad, so I was going to just put this up as a failed experiment (since that's essentially what it was), but first I decided to play with effects. And I kind of liked how that, sounded, and it turned into this.

*It's not that secret. Using Garageband, turn on Track Echo to "Vintage", Tremolo to "Mono Tremolo", Echo somewhere between 38%, and Reverb to 86% (I think. It's kind of hard to tell, so you can probably fudge the exact numb3rs). I call it "Wall of Sound", but you can call it whatever you want.

DOWNLOADABLE VERSION:
Rerelease Notes: This one's the same.

Song of the Week Week, Part Seven

[Song of the Week is a "weekly" feature which is supposed to update every Thursday Friday, but almost never does. In it, Drew records a song, or attempts to record a song, or gives up and writes another movie review.]

So what I'm thinking is, I'm about 7 or eight weeks behind on SotW. And I need an impetus (if that means what I think it means) to do a post every day again, which various factors have been keeping me from doing. So hey, I thinks, I'll just do a Song a day for a week and kill two birds with one incredibly time-consuming stone. I have no idea if I'll actually follow through, but here's part seven (of seven, obviously).

"Writer's Block Blues":


It's over! I made it! Suck it, haters! In your collective face!

OK, so I wrote myself into a corner yesterday when I said I wouldn't do another cover. Stupid me. That meant I had to write an actual song.

Anyway, I tried this other thing bu it wasn't really working out, which I believe is a phrase that's shown up in six of the posts in this series. I put that on hold and starting goofing around, playing blues guitar. And I was just gonna do that, bu I realized, last day, I should do something special.

So here is the first song I've ever recorded with words that I wroted. It's not the first song I've ever written with words. I have assloads of those that I haven't done for one reason or another, mostly because they're not finished, or they'd require more time and money then I can devote to this project right now, or they're so awesome that they'd spoil music for you forever and I'm holding them back for your sakes (there's maybe only two or three of that last kind).

I thought it would be funny if my first song with lyrics was about trying to write lyrics. I love meta shart like that. One idea that I've been thinking about all week is--actually I might do it later, so I shouldn't spoil it. Also, I enhanced the realism of the song by coming up with the lyrics on the spot, and also by mumbling words so they would turn into mush. It was totally intentional. Not just bad singing. You guys are dumb, you'll buy that line, right?

Here is the lyrics, since you can't tell them from hearing them:

{slide guitar noodling}
{regular guitar noodling}

I need some words.
To write my song.
Cause right now my song is only
Thirty seconds long.

I need some lyrics.
To make me sing.
I need some words gonna...
They're gonna ring.

I need some lines.*
So I don't get lost.
I need some lines, I'm gonna--
I'll pay any cost.

Oh no. [howly noise]
Yeah.

{more noodling}
{more slide guitar}

I need inspiration
I need [unintellegible**] salvation, whoa-ho-oh
I need a word to sing about I need a line to sing about I need another chance.
I don't even kow what that means.
{a little more noodling}

* *Or maybe I said "rhymes"
** I was trying to say "some" and I kind of choked on it so it came out as "them" or maybe "damn".

Click here to see Part One
Click here to see Part Two
Click here to see Part Three
Click here to see Part Four
Click here to see Part Five
Click here to see part Six

The odd thing about iron

Shouldn't it be pronounced "eye-ron"?

Or if not, spelled iorn (or maybe ihorn, so you know it's a long "i").