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The Sound of A Guitar Exploding:

There's not a lot to say about this one. I made my guitar make some weird sounds and then came up with the title, and I was like, "I have to use that" and the next day, which is the day that is currently today, I did. Hopefully I'll have time to do another song with more words below it later. We'll see. I'm like ten behind at this point. On the other hand, I'm probably upgrading my computer, so who knows how long that'll take. Fingers crossed.

The Infinite (The Blog Post)

The Infinite (The Song):

So I knew I wanted to do something special for the 150th post, and the idea of writing a title track for a website just seemed hilarious for some reason. I had no idea what the song would actually sound like--among the discarded ideas were a mock-epic about how awesome a blogger I am and a music video, which I couldn't do because of technical difficulties (I don't have Movie Maker inntalled and iMovie is a pain in the ass). I eventually latched on to the idea of Infinite as "like echoes or something" (I didn't want to overthink this), and grabbed my guitar. I didn't even really care if it was good; mostly I just wanted it to be loud.

Inasmuch as there's an influence here other than "make a lot of noise", it was probably Sunn 0))), which takes itself to such an extreme it's barely even music anymore, and can get so loud (that's not a good word for it, but it's the only one I can think of) that the room will start shaking*. I tried to do the latter by playing with a sub-bass that GarageBand has built in, but I'm not sure how well it worked. Either my laptop's crappy speakers can't do those frequencies, or they can and it doesn't do anything. Someone with a good sound system will have to tell me.

I kind of failed at the "barely even music" part, because there's definitely some kind of rhythm or riff or something. It even has chords--one of them is G, and another is so obscure it's not even on this list (it's 022010, basically a modified E chord), and the other one is just whatever it's called when you don't fret any strings (hang on...apparently it's known as both Gm6add9 or Em7add11. Hooray for ctrl+F).

By now you've probably heard the banjo-ey (banjaux?) part, which was based on the idea that if this is the Song of the Blog, it should reflect the blog: long stretches of almost nothing broken up by ridiculous ad nonsensical torrents of whatever. I came up with it last weekend and put it in this song more or less accidentally: what you do is, you make an open-G chord shape, and you move it up and down the scale. It only works at certain frets (3rd, 7th, 10th and 15th work the best--something to do with pentatonic and major and something), but it's worth it if you want to make your guitar sound like a banjo (like for example, if you're really really bored).

In the spirit of "Mixology" (which inspired my "just play something and hope it works" approach to writing this, albiet not the song itself or its sound), here are them sped-up and slowed-down versions, the latter of which is not for the faint of heart impatient. Seriously, even I'm too busy to sit through the whole thing. I dare you. Do it.

fast version:


slow version**:

*or maybe I was shaking and the room was standing still...mind successfully blown.
**I like to call it "The Infinite...Amount of Time You'll Spend Listening to This Song" and then I laugh and laugh and then I cry a little.

DOWNLOADABLE VERSION:
Rerelease Notes: The drums aren't processed, some synth tracks were added.

Liveblogging The Simpsons Season 12

Because I'm bored and my writer's block is keeping me from doing Song of the Week. OK let's go.

-First thing's first, the box is still pretty stupid. Hard to open, hard to figure out where our DVDs are, big Comic-Book Guy head making it hard to go on the shelf. At least they give us a cutaway to help get the discs out.

-Matt Groening gives his usual intro, which isn't really noteworthy but still kind of cool, with the listing of guest stars and specfeats and all. How come nobody else does those?

"Treehouse of Horror 11"

-Surprised it took this long for a "Munsters" gag
-"Snakes: Nature's Quitters"
-Broccoli is one of the deadliest plants on Earth
-One cool thing about the "Treehouses" is that they can do stuff like kill Homer and have him be all ghostified. The show's normal, albiet tenuous, connection to reality kind of keeps it from exploring as many stories as they can. Oh well, I'm sure they'll never run out.
-Did this one air before or after Halloween? I just heard this year's would be before for the first time in a while.
-"Hansel & Gretel" is kind of a stretch for a horror episode, ain't it? I mean, I know the original stories were violent and gross, but still.
-Oh, it's the dolphin one! Swizz-eet!
-"They made me do tricks--like a common seal!"
-I know the later seasons get a lot of flack, but I can't think of anything funnier than dolphins marching on their fins.
-Snorky's voice sounds a lot like Principal Skinner's.
-OK, one more thing about the dolphin one. That had some of the best animatin' I've seen on this show, especially the crowd shots woth 90 billion people and the getting dolphins to walk on land. OK, next ep.

"A Tale of Two Springfields"

-"I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs"
-Carl's explanation of whether 636 or 939 was better--awesome.
-The Simpsons' number: 939-555-0113
-"Your fears are groundless and your complaints moronic"-- a very useful quote in this day and age.
-"We Joe Twelve-Packs"
-Wackiness: Homer attempts to suicide-bomb town hall.
-"That's my novelty flying disc"
-"They were looking at me...with their eyes"
-"There's nothig like revenge for getting back at people"/"I don't know, vengeance is pretty good"
-"Because of you, we're taking golden showers...what"
-Part of the Springfield wall is the angel skeleton
-"Who huddle"
-Keith Moon is still The Who's drummer in the Simpsonverse.
-Season 20 had an episode with a wall in Springfield too...except this was the Berlin Wall and that was the border fence...or something.
-Wouldn't Pink Floyd have been more thematically appropriate (puns!)

"Insane Clown Poppy"

-Couch Gag is a bullet-time joke. I'm pretty sure they do the same thing later in the season.
-"It's gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up."
-"Maya Angelou is black?"
-Hey, it's John Updike!
-Springfield has a beach in this episode.
-Finally, someone who's a worse parent than Homer.
-Why are Homer and Moe playing cards with Krusty and Fat Tony?
-"It's not worth much cash, but its sentimental value is through the roof"
-Apparently, a ukulele is "the thinking man's violin" and "four aces is no gamble"
-"If I know Fat Tony, which I don't..."
-"Our website name will be crime.org" (it's for sale, maybe I should buy it)
-OK so this episode kind of sucked, but lots of great one-liners. And they didn't let the guests overwhelm the plot. Maybe could have used more Homer.

"Lisa the Tree-Hugger"

-Wait, hasn't Lisa always been a tree-hugger?
-Teletubbies joke...that aged well.
-Is "Gamestation" the go-to fake video game console name? (To The Max!)
-You Thai Now
-Bart's ninja costume is back! And another bullet-time joke.
-"Take that, Lisa's beliefs!"
-"In New Orleans they hose us with Tabasco"
-"I get enough flaming toilet paper thrown on me at home"
-"I'm a level-5 vegan, I won't eat anything that casts a shadow"
-"We might have an opening at the 'poser' level"
-Apparently, Homer has a "stash"
-From Lisa's tree, you can see Shelbyville, St. Louis, Hollywood, Paris, New York... in that order
-"Dad is building a ladder, but it is of poor quality"
-"This family has had nothing but bad luck when it comes to farce"
-"Oh right, I don't have superpowers...yet"
-They even used the Matrix song.

"Homer vs. Dignity"

-This is the one everyone hates, right? With the panda? Let's see if they're right.
-Bart's story of how he gets an A gives me an idea for solving the education crisis.
-This is the "Retirony" episode? Can't be that bad.
-"There's a New Mexico?" (wouldn't be funny except Burns is saying it)
-Lenny's a war hero?
-"...calmly eating candy like Spaniard"
-"[Smithers] doesn't know the meaning of the word gay". Cut to his musical about dolls.
-Bart gets his shot in his right arm, because he's left handed. Callbacks!
-The shots of Homer getting zapped in the panda suit were actually pretty cool-looking.
-Yeah, that panda part did suck. At least Homer was mad about it.
-Wait, this is a Christmas episode?!
-Homer throws a present to Ralph, which just bounces off his head.
-Homer is throwing out Lil' Lisa's Slurry. Callbacks!
-OK, so it wasn't great, but, I don't know, I didn't hate it. There were worse episodes, at least this one had a plot and actual jokes.

"Homer vs. Dignity" w/Commentary

-Let's see what the they have to sat about all this.
-So this episode is based on a book?
-They're surprisingly quiet on this commentary, breaking in namely to point out/ laugh at the jokes.
-Apparently even the cast and crew weren't sure what to think of the panda-rape stuff.
-And the first draft was even worse (in terms of like dark, not quality).
-Part of the problem: people didn't get the references to the book, probably because who reads books?
-Groening assumed the panda stuff would be taken out, so he didn't even bother fighting it.
-"In hindsight [old, discarded idea] doesn't sound too bad"
-Like I said, this was a pretty quiet commentary. I expected them too have more to say about such a controversial episode, especially with eight (eight!) people in the room. Oh well, if I wasn't blogging it I probably wouldn't have cared.

Anyway, that was disc one. I may or may not go back for discs two and three. It sort of depends on junk and stuff.

Life Imitates Mr. Show

First real-life Mayostard (TM), now this crap?

TV host accused of ordering killings.

Compare:



Is someone trying to tell us something?

My fortune cookie:

"Traveling east will bring you great rewards."

I'm not sure what to make of this one. How far east? What kind of rewards? When? Now? Be more specific fortune cookie!

Wish I'd thought of this first:

dsbttxbvnkbn;eomtj-wsujtsntkj/-reo/ntp./-

"Look out, he's got a gun!"

Now that I've got your attention, here's something completely different.

Do you ever see something on TV and think, holy flerking snart*, how did they get that on TV? Apparently this was on TV (but only once, but still, but keep in mind the network):