Escape to the House of Mummies, Part III: Mystery of the Robot Gun

Life, "Did You Feel That?":

Life, camera, action
See what I did? That's a pun.
But there was action.

I actually watched this before Mad Men, but I thought that needed a post for itself. Then I realized how little I actually had to say that was original or interesting, and probably could have been part of this post. (deep, long sigh). I liked them breaking up the Mystery of the Week structure with lots and lots and lots of action-y parts, and the police trying to do policework while the city burned. Probably the least realistic Life they've ever done, though (the LAPD, of all people, were this unprepared for an earthquake?).

Friday Night Lights, "Hello, Goodbye":
I liked this episode and everything about it. That's the whole review (My review are to criticism what ground beef is to prime rib).

Chuck, "Chuck Vs. Tom Sawyer":
About halfway through this one I was getting worried. The Tony Hale stuff wasn't well-integrated, and the spy plot had completely stalled. Then Chuck saved the world (the WORLD, people) by playing VIDEO GAMES, and I realized this is the best show ever, and nothing else compared. No, seriously, that idea could have been really terrible, and it's a testament to how well this show pulls off its bizarre high-wire genre switching doodad, that I actually cared.

Also, was the use of Tom Sawyer a reference to this? (Sorry, I couldn't find video)

Heroes, "Eris Quod Sum":

Since I don't think my standards can get any lower, Heroes must have been better this week. Maybe I've just figured out how to watch it.
First, pretend every episode is the first time you've seen it, and you can forgive how everyone explains what happened in earlier episodes (the best? Traci trying to figure out the Petrelli/Bennet family tree).
Second, look at the pretty pictures. This week had some of the best, with some cool red/blue composition at Evil, Inc. and the cool scary-movie lighting at the Bennet house. The lightning effect is the only special effect they do that looks realistic, so I'm glad they went overboard this week.
Third, try to enjoy (or just ignore) the homages/ ripoffs. I count four really obvious ones, but I forgot what one was. Two (and the one I forgot) were to Lost (aka LOST): there was the obvious with the airplane (and kudos to Heroes for having someone actually take a plane, instead of just magically showing up on the other side of the country), and Peter surviving his window fall was total John Locke (or Omar, if you prefer (that was the one I forgot about)). And I couldn't help but think of Willow and Tara with the airplane hand-holding. But at least it was derivative and fun.
Fourth, take a shot (of milk, kids) every time someone says "abilities" instead of the much-more-obvious "powers." Take two every time Hiro says something about being heroic.

On a completely unrelated note, I just watched The Colbert Report, and the cello is a seriously underrated instrument.

Morel Orel, "Trigger":
Morel Orel's continuing effort to be the most depressing show to ever air on television continues unabated.

Young Person's Guide To History, Part I:
Man, I don't even have an opinion. I'll watch part two, but I'm not sure why.

Escape to the House of Mummies, pt 1

I think, for no real reason, I'm putting the Haikus before the reviews this time (that right). Also, I have a lot to say, so I'm splitting it in half.

House, "Lucky Thirteen":

The ground shifts below
The Earth seems to be changing
Are you changing too?

Holdup, for some reason I've got an assload to say about this one, but I don't feel like saying it (plus most of it doesn't make sense). See, I'm of two minds on this one. I thought this would get to the bottom of 13 (insert House-like pun about 13's bottom). I thought we would finally figure out something tangible about someone who, even after a year, is still pretty "mysterious." I'm not sure we did*. Other than the extended character study, the patient-of-the-week (henceforth PoW) story wasn't great, and tied a little too neatly into Thirteen's real life (admittedly, that was the point, but we don't want this to turn into Grey's Anatomy). And it was a little too easy to see Wilson was stringing House along, and the fact that Lucas didn't doesn't say much about his PI skills. If nothing else, that last shot of 13 in bed, alone but not alone, staring straight at the camera, was one of the hauntingest TV tableaux (is that the right word) I've seen in a long time.

*Originally there was a pretty in-depth analysis of 13 as a character here, including Sherlock Holmes paralells, but I cut it because it confused even me. Maybe later.

Fringe, "The Cure":

It's your choice, my friend
Two paths will lie before you
But you must take one

It's pretty clear that Fringe is trying. Unlike, say, Heroes, it actually cares if I like it or not, and it wants me to be invested in its storylines. This week it tried to make a standard monster-of-the-week story, without the Pattern or Walter's research. It also tried to make me care about Wooden Lead Actress's past (I'll start using her name again when she shows an emotion). Unfortunately, it's not trying hard enough. I'll stick with it because it has potential, but this episode was hella boring, and I don't really care about most of the non-alien characters (yeah, I know he's not really an alien, when they get to that one I'll be interesteder).

Pushing Daisies, "Frescorts":
You know what? I don't have anything to say about this one. It was creepier than usual, it made references to a movie I've never seen, and it was funny. If you like the show, you'd like it; if not' I hate you, you joyless, cynical, bastard, and you should reevaluate your life. Also, the Young Emerson stuff was great.

South Park, "Pandemic":
First of all, my splitting the review up is not a meta-joke about this episode. It's a coincidence. For everything else, see below:

There shall be no review
There shall be no haiku
Until I've seen part two.

My Name is Earl, "Quit Your Snitchin'"
Says Riley Freeman: "No snitchin'," in a much better episode of television. Not that this one was bad-- I liked that Earl went through all this trouble trying to do something nice for Randy, and I how it played with the idea of Camden as a wretched hive of scum and villainy-- but it was fairly unmemorable.

The Office, "Crime Aid"
♥, ♥, ♥, ♥, ♥,
♡, ♡, ♡, ♡, ♡, ♡, ♡,
❤, ❤, ❤, ❤, ❤
What can I say? I like it. This week, I liked the various acknowledgements of the camera crew, Dwight trying to act like a real person (and failing), and the strangely ominous David Wallace line at the end.

Thursday Night Live (or whatever the name really is) Number 3:
This was probably the best of the three, not that that's saying a lot. Will Ferrell showed up, can't go wrong there. What else happened...the big board thing was alright, Samberg did one of his things. I'm not exactly sad to see them go, especially since they'll be replaced by a much better show.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, "Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life":
This probably should have been the two-parter, or just two different episodes. Both the Dennis and Charlie/Dee stories were great concepts (Charlie/ Dee stories are usually my favorites anyway-- they're like Cartman and Butters, or Brian and Stewie), but they both could have used some more breathing room, and neither really had anything to do with each other (other than the fountain, Dennis' one true story). Liked most of the actual scenes (even if there weren't enough), especially Dee's glue trip and Mac and Frank in the movie theater.

The Sarah Silverman Program, "Patriot Tact":
Remember how I said last week I would try and figure out what I like so much about this show? Other than all the jokes about having too much hair, I'm still clueless. Whatever the reason, I found the two patients arguing about whether what Sarah did was right right in front of her, while she just spouted off non-sequiturs, was one of my favorite TV moments of the week. Plus this Thursday's episode is called "Pee" (I'm five).

30 Rock, "Do-Over":

(Just read my pair of
"amnesia" haikus
from last week's reviews)

I think I actually watched this Sunday afternoon, but it went up on the webernets last Thursday or Friday, so whatever. It's good-- not as good as last year's finale, but better than "Seinfeld Vision" or most of season 1. And that's coming from someone who has literally seen every episode at least twice (except this new one). Jack getting promoted twice in a week was great. I loved that Pete was in anger management for the arrow stunt. Devon as hopeless screwup was the funniest thing they've ever done with what was formerly a prety one-note character (especially "I sold the E to Samsung. They're Samesung now"). The only problem: I though Mullally would be playing Sarah Palin.

End of Part I. To be continued in Part... II.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

OK, so here's the deal. I'm getting really tired of the haikus. Two reasons: I usually have more than 17 syllables to say, and they aren't making great haikus anyway. So I'm compromising. I'll still do haikus, but it'll be more of a thematic thing, and I'll do a review to go with it.

From the top:

Testees, "Pilot": Let me put it this way. I'm never, ever watching this show again. (No haiku).

The Sarah Silverman Program, "The Mongolian Beef": A charming and fun if not exactly groundbreaking. For some reason I loved "Three different people, three different sizes" and conspired to right my own ridiculous song (I might use this as Thursday's Song of the Week):

Take me far away
Where the Mongolians play
We'll be happy there!

Mad Men, "The Jet Set": I'm breaking Rule Numero Three (No shows that premiered over the summer), for no good reason. I just liked the use of "Misirlou" in this episode. If you want something more in-depth, go elsewhere, my child. (No haiku)

Chuck, "Chuck Vs. The Break-Up": We kind of had to have this episode, didn't we? It worked great, both for the bigger story and as hour of entertainment. I'm a little fuzzy on the details because I just watched the new one, but I remember how cool it was. (No haiku, though the "Heroes' one works here, too)

Heroes, "Angels and Monsters": I loved the idea of the Claire storyline-- someone actually trying to, you know, do something heroic. I liked that Bubbles was the bad guy, and he didn't turn out so bad after all. I didn't like that they tied it to the dumb Sylar business, or anything else about this episode. Since I didn't care enough to write a real one, I'm gonna use a poem I wrote a couple weeks ago:

The Wind, he hates us
He tries to pull us apart
pulling, pulling, pull...

How I Met Your Mother, "Intervention": Hey, Family Guy writers (I know you all read this, or I like to pretend you do): This is how you do the cutaway gags. There was so much time-travel in this episode I lost track of what the present was supposed to be. Which is exactly the point, and one of my favorite things about this show. Best of the season so far.

Clock sits on the wall
Says time only goes one way
Wrong very is he.

House, "Birthmarks": This is Classic House: put on a big show of crying just to get a DNA sample. This is Classic Wilson: try (not very hard) to talk him out of it. I liked how House unwittingly revealed how similar he is to his father (both play games and abuse their underlings) as well as how different (House the Younger is, well, House). Loved Kutner, Taub, and Bubbles reaching the same conclusion as the original team, only off camera. Glad we finally found out how House and Wilson met. Glad Wilson's back. Wish to talk in complete sentences, but forgot how.

It's all in your head
We'll have to amputate it
You won't feel a thing.

Pushing Daisies, "Bad Habits": There was maybe too much going on in this episode, and it wasn't as funny as the last two, and it made me hungry for truffles (I've never even had truffles before). But even a less-than-perfect PD is perfectly cromulent, and has gags like Ned and Olive's game of charades, and "Sister Christian" (plus Emerson's "we're motorin'").

(No haiku) (Or is there?)
(Is it all a mystery?)
(How "meta" of me)

Fringe, "Power Hungry": Another week, another Fringe. Did you catch No-Eyebrows-Not-Michael-Stipe (henceforth NENMS) get out of the elevator at the beginning? I didn't. The frustrating part here was watching the Fringies (that's what I'm calling them) spend half the episode figuring out something everyone guessed after the first minute. If you're going to do that, there should be some twist, like the guy was really doing it on purpose, or he was a robot or a pair of twins or something (Buffy did those twists a lot). This show has a lot of potential (apparently NENMS isn't an alien, and we'll find out more about him soon), but it's not being used well. It doesn't earn a haiku.

South Park, "The Breast Cancer Show Ever": Wendy has only been the focus of like four South Parks, but playing her self-righteouness off of Cartman's assholery was a brilliant idea, and gave us the best episode since "The List," from last season. This was a great Cartman episode, too, giving us both comic (he eats-- then vomits-- his underpants to avoid the fight) and tragic (he's deluded himself to thinking everyone doesn't hate him*) insight into him (which we haven't really seen since "Tsssk"). And Eric was due for a beatdown (his last was "Cartoon Wars", right?) If there was one flaw, which there was, it was that the Stan and the Goth ("did she just call us Emo?") kids plotline didn't have a real ending. (No haiku again).

*Kind of like Pip. Remember Pip?

My Name is Earl, "We Got Spirit": Speaking of insight into borderline insane supporting characters, we finally get good look at Randy here. On one hand, Earl going out to help him was a good gesture by Earl. On the other, Randy probablywould have been better off doing nomething on his own. Looks like next week is going to be Randytacular as well, so I'll probably say more (and do a haiku) then.

The Office, "Baby Shower": I don't know. I liked it a lot, but I don't have anything to say about it, in prose or haiku. It,d just all be quotes, and you can read those elsewhere.

Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday (#2): IF this wasn't ending next week, I probably wouldn't review it thewn (technically it counts as "news," bt it's an "event" so I have to write about it). It wasn't not funny, and the debate sketch was better than last Thursday, but there's not a lot to write about (other than "I liked this, I though this was dumb blah blah blah boring boring boring I hate you all I'm never talking to you again goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow")

"Fair and Balanced"- Fox
"The most trusted"- CNN
"Thursday's Next!" -Update

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia": They can't all be winners. This one was a little too slow and not nearly insane enough, though I liked "Now there's a cat in play?" and "I asked a question."

Amnesia's real
We'll just start over again
Amnesia's real

Alternate version for if you think "amnesia" is 3 syllables:

Amnesia is real
We'll just start over again
Amnesia is real

Friday Night Lights, "How the Other Half Lives": The show is taking off again. It's firing on all cylinders, or whatever metaphor you find appropriate. Too bad you probably can't watch it.

Spacemen to brain, RE:
Message beamed from satelites:
They're not meant for you.

Moral Orel, "Innocence" and "Alone": I don't have anything to say about these two episodes, but I also watched "Nature, Parts 1 and 2," and I'm pretty sure it's the most depressing half hour of TV ever, or at least in the top five. (No haiku)

Heroes, "Genesis" (Not a new episode): OK, let me explain why I'm breaking the "no-rerun" rule (aka Rule Numero Two). I watched this one (Heroes' network pilot; it's streamable on Netflix) to answer whether Heroes has always been terrible, or it's just in decline. I won't go into detail (not right now, anyway), but "Genesis" is better than the new episodes we all know and loathe. It's hella uneven and nowhere near, say Lost's first episode, but it's good, and so I can definitively say that Heroes has at least one good episode. (No haiku, haikus are for real reviews).

Life, "Crushed": Is every case going to paralell (parallel? I can never remember) Charlie's prison time? We had the boxes, the girl trying to escape L.A., the man frozen to death, the fake prison experiment, now a man trapped and crushed to death. Not to mention Rachel being kidnapped for 12 years. I can dig it though. This was weaker than last week's, but not bad.

The weight of the world
Falls down unto my shoulders
I'm such a cliche

King of the Hill, "Square-Footed Monster": Good to know someone else hates McMansions. Also, I liked the political incorrectness of this one: group of white southerners band together to kick out their new Asian neighbor, and uphold their conformist way of life as "good old-fashioned values". Good for them? (No haiku)

Family Guy, "Road to Germany": The animation seemed a lot better than your average FG; too bad thestory wasn't. Once again, to my Family Guy-writer audience: just because something was in a movie, doesn't mean you have to copy it. A movie reference, especially a visual one (their were many in this one) is a (playful or biting) dig at a movie, or a clever twist on an old idea, or an extra layer to another joke, not a joke itself. The joke becomes "hey, look how much this scene is similar to another scene," which is funny maybe once, and every other time maken you look derivative and lame. (No haiku)

American Dad, "One Little Word": Even the title is derivative of earlier episodes. Tying in with the Family Guy discussion, even though this was a "sequel" of sorts to "Four Little Words," it did more repeating the same plot points of that episode than playing off it in a meaningful way. They could have shown how Stan has changed in the time between, or used it to point out how he's exactly the same, instead of taking one idea ("Like many of today's conservatives, Stan puts more value on words than on meanings") and running it into the ground. Plus the Roger stuff was dumb. We just had the "Roger acts childish" and a "Roger invests too much into his personas" episodes, so this one became repetitive on two fronts.

The Simpsons, "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble": I don't know. I thought this was funny, but like last week, it felt like more of a pitch for a story than an actual story. And as someone (not me) pointed out, why does Bart go from brat in the first act to wuss in the second? He should have used his powers as prince of prankdom to prank the punk prats. With style. Plus a trip to Aspen for no reason. Like Family Guy, the animation was noticably better here than it often is. Too bad the writing wasn't. (No haiku)

Mad Men, "The Mountain King": A weird one, here. Lots of time jumps and unexpectedness. I'm gonna do a full review next week, for the finale, is why I have so little to say/ haikuize now.

The Sarah Silverman Program, "Making New Friends": I can't adequately explain why I find this show funny. Maybe I'll be able to by next week. (No haiku)

Saturday Night Live, "Josh Brolin/ Adele": Same old lame old SNL. Took me all weekend to watch this one in bits and pieces, so I don't remember much about this one. But kudos to Sarah Palin, Mark Walhberg, Alec Baldwin, and Gregg Allman for showing up to play themselves. Quick Musical Guest Review: She's a good singer, but the songs are literally forgettable, as in I couldn't remember either by the end of the commercial break.

It's a routine thing
Just move along, everyone
Nothing to see here

Tomorrow (I hope)
Chuck, "Chuck vs. The Cougars"
Heroes, "Dying of the Light"
How I Met Your Mother, "Shelter Island"
I've seen them all, but it's midnight and this post is long enough.

One more Haiku: Life: Not for Nothing

"Professor Warden...
Mr. Professor Warden"
"Please don't call me that."

More TV! More More More!

More TV Haikus
Have arrived. Good or bad news?
I'll let you decide.

Pushing Daisies: "Circus, Circus"

I give it an A.
(A+, if you're into those ).
I can't explain why.

South Park: "The China Probrem"

I can't not say it:
"Oh my God, they raped Indy!"
Otherwise lame ep.

The Sarah Silverman Program: "High, It's Sarah"

Are pot jokes funny
If you're not high?-- Common question.
SSP says yes.

My Name is Earl: "Sweet Johnny"

I'll admit right now
I've never seen Groundhog Day.
How did this compare?

The Office: "Business Ethics"

Another home run.
"You can’t set them up like that";
"The bread is poisoned."

Saturday Night Live: "Weekend Update Thursday"

Only two sketches
But the debate one weren't great
Update was OK.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: "Who Pooped the Bed"

Good Dee episode.
Maybe best since "Gas Crisis"
"I did 'em all"-- Frank

Life: "The Business of Miracles"

Charlie drops acid!
But it's not what you would think.
Well, not exactly.

Chuck: "Chuck Versus The Seduction"

My favorite quote:
"How can you seduce someone
Without alcohol?"

Friday Night Lights: "Tami Knows Best"

No murders so far.
But nothing super-awesome.
Not yet, anyway.

Farewell and goodnight.
I'm off to drink Gatorade.
And watch a movie.

Promised mega post! It's finally done, people! Can you believe it!

(this is the ever-lengthening, thrice-delayed mega-long post. And no, it's not worth it.)

My TV haikus
Of every show I watched
( fall season only).

Beware it, my friends:
Start reading, you may not stop
Talking in haiku.

With that considered
Know what I don't count-- three things:
Reruns, News, Fragments

True Blood: "Strange Love" (Aired 9-7)

Forgot I'd watched this.
Had HBO for two days.
Don't really miss it.



P.S.: I've put them
Chronologically (ish)
Is that okay, y'all?

Fringe: "Pilot" (9-9)

I liked-- loved-- the cow.
But the show? I'm not so sure.

Nowhere near Lost yet

SNL: "Michael Phelps/ Lil Wayne" (9-13)

Phelps is no Manning
Athlete hosts: always risky
Who cares, Tina Fey!

Fringe: "The Same Old Story" (9-16)

Fringe: X-Files ripoff,
Buffy and Angel ripoff,
Or more Twilight Zone?

House: "Dying Changes Everything"(9-16)

House versus Wilson,
Medicine-y things happened
The patient lived (?)

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: "Mac and Dennis: Manhunters" and "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis" (Both aired 9-18)

Both of these titles
Are seventeen syllables
Perfect haiku length

Actual review:
First funny; Second more so.
"Wild card, bitches!" (jumps)

SNL: "James Franco/ Kings of Leon" (9-20)

(Yawns) Forgetable.
(Yawns) Nothing to blog about.
(Yawns) Watch Freaks and Geeks.

Chuck: "Chuck Versus the First Date"(Debuted on Internet 9-22, First TV airing 9-29)

Nerd spy dude uses
Call of Duty to save world.
Hey, it could happen!

Life: "Find Your Happy Place" (Debuted on Internet 9-22, First TV airing 9-29)

Cop goes to prison,
Is released, rejoins the force.
This week's case: boxes.

How I Met Your Mother: "Do I Know You" (9-22)

The last good sitcom
Hits the ground walking. Oh well.
We'll see how it goes.

Heroes: "The Second Coming", "The Butterfly Effect"(Both aired 9-22)

This show must be bad
If this is considered good.
The song is better.

At this point I watch
More for the coming train wreck
Than the storylines.

Fringe: "The Ghost Network"(9-23)

Boring, boring, bor-
ing, boring, forgetable.
Better than last week.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: "America's Next Top Paddy's Billboard Model Contest" (9-25)

Weaker than last week
But still pretty danged funny
No good quotes though

and "Mac's Banging the Waitress" (Also aired 9-25)

Recalls Season 2's
"Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom," except
Where were Dee and Frank?

The Office: "Weight Loss" (9-25)

Innovative, smart
clever, funny. This is what
All TV should be.

SNL: "Anna Faris/ Duffy" (9-27)

Could have been better
Moving along, what's a Duffy?
Nevermind, don't care

The Simpsons: "Sex, Pies and Idiot-Scrapes" (9-28)

God, what a dumb pun.
Homer and Ned: pretty fun
Marge story was not.

King of the Hill: "Dia-Bill-ic Shock" (9-28)

Another dumb pun.
Otherwise good episode
(I'm so insightful).

Family Guy: "Love Blactually"(9-28)

I really forgot
What happened in this half-hour
Not a good sign, folks.

American Dad!: "1600 Candles" (9-28)

Underrated show--
or the most underrated
Show?- Steven Colbert

How I Met Your Mother: "The Best Burger In New York" (9-29)

This one I did like.
Because what other shows would
say "burger" this much?

Heroes: "One of Us, One of Them" (9-29)

And here's that train wreck
Sylar good? That's not a twist,

that's the Gordian.

Fringe: "The Arrival" (9-30)

Do we all agree
No-eyebrows-not-Michael-Stipe
Is an alien?

House: "Adverse Events" (9-30)

Grossest case ever;
I'll never enter drug trials.
Lucas B-story.

(Note: where I live, "trials" really is one syllable)

Pushing Daisies: "Bzzzzzzzzz!"(10-1)

I'm missing an ep.
To finish this post. Must add:
"Best title ever"

Friday Night Lights: "I Knew You When" (10-1)

If you've seen this show
And you still don't love it, sir,
There's something wrong with you

My Name Is Earl: "Joy in A Bubble" and "Stole an RV" (Both aired 10-2)

Still no brilliance yet
We need a good Randy ep.
C'mon, Hollywood!

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: "Mac and Charlie Die, pts. 1 and 2" (Both aired 10-2)

Cons: Hit-and miss. Long.
Jokes were weak. Pros: "The Shadow".
My grade: A-

Life: "Everything...All the Time" (10-3)

The case-- confusing
Not an good as "Happy Place"
Fluke, or bad omen?

SNL: "Anne Hathaway/ The Killers" (10-4)

Funny SNL!?
Brandon Flowers has freak face--
Homeboy creeped me out.

The Simpsons: "Lost Verizon" (10-5)

Bart gets a cell phone!
Hijinks ensue! Big guest star!
'Twas a "good" one (sighs).

King of the Hill: "Earthly Girls Are Easy" (10-5)

Felt like a South Park
With all the politicking
Hey, South Park's on now!

Family Guy: "I Dream of Jesus" (10-5)

Standard FG ep.
The bird is indeed the word.
Jesus stuff too short.

American Dad!: "The One That Got Away" (10-5)

Best in a while now.
I always liked this show, but
Two Rogers? Bravo.

Heroes: "I Am Become Death" (10-6)

A small, small step up.
At this rate it'll be good
By Twentyonetwelve.

How I Met Your Mother: "I Heart NJ" (10-6)

Stella's not the mom.
I wasn't sure until now
But Jersey? Come on!

I d.q.'d some shows
Like Mad Men or Dethklok show
For starting too soon.

This feature's being
Made frequenter (daily posts?).
They won't be this long.